Best Of Me || Taekook

Twelve

I tried to soak in every note, every melody and store it somewhere deep down, because listening to Jungkook sing was like feeling that first ray of sunlight on a sunny day in spring. Or that calming feeling of hearing the rain tap against your window, while you're wrapped up in blankets in your warm bed.

When it was over I wondered why he had chosen me out of all people to show his talent for the first time. We had only known each other for a couple of weeks and right before now I wouldn't have believed that Jungkook had thought of me as a friend.

I looked at him and saw that oh so familiar fear of rejection in his eyes, and realised that the insecure boy Jungkook talked about that day on the soccerfield was maybe still in there, at least in a part of him. Was this his mystery, was this that secret that he stored away behind his walls of confidence and coolness.

But then again, why me? Did he know that I sing too? How could he? I had never told anyone that before. I tried to find the answer going through the first moment we met, what had he seen in me that I couldn't.

I realised the silence had been so long that Jungkook's fear started to change into terror and desperation that spread from his eyes to the rest of his body, tensing up like his demons were right there catching up with him.

"That is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Your voice is truly amazing, why have you never shown anyone these. I mean, I assume you've never shown anyone."

With a deep sigh all the tension from before left Jungkook's body, although he still was different. He wasn't as put together and courageous as usual, there was a fragility to him.

"No, you're the first person and I don't know why. It's just different than what people think of me I guess, and I never really know how to bring it up."

"Different how?"

"Well you know, ever since I started playing basketball, for real I mean, I just feel like that is what people think I am. I am the basketball player, team captain, the popular jock, you know? It's like this standard I feel like I have to live up to, and somehow singing, especially singing the songs I like to sing, doesn't match that standard."

It was like with every second I spent with Jungkook I found more similarities between us. I had always seen him like that, popular and athletic and a womanizer above all. Not once had it crossed my mind he was a singer.

And I guess it was like that for me too. I had accepted the fact that I would always be the shy kid in the back of the class, that always knew the answer but never said anything, that would never go to parties, that didn't have friends or a girlfriend. That was been laughed at behind my back.

"I know what you mean. But why tell me then?"

I saw Jungkook thinking about it for a second before he answered me without a single doubt.

"Because you listen to me."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I couldn't imagine being the first person that actually listened to him. I couldn't fathom why no one could see how much more he was than just an athlete. 

"I have one more question which has been on my mind ever since the party. Why did you offer to help me? You didn't know me, at all. What did you want to get out of this?"

The question seemed to surprise him. He stared out of the window for a minute, probably trying to find the words. When he looked back at me I saw that he was very uncomfortable, like he was ashamed of what he was about to say.

"This is so stupid. Every part of me hoped you'd never ask me this, because after the first time we talked, you know in the coffeeshop, I decided I was just going to help you for the sake of doing a good deed."

He stopped and looked at me, almost pleading me to say I didn't care what the reason was. And I wish I could say that, but this had been bugging me for weeks now, and I knew I would never let it go if I wouldn't find out.

"I don't care what it is, just tell me."

"Alright," Jungkook said letting out a deep sigh, "Hoseok and I had talked about you once before the party, about how he wished you'd have more friends and be more confident and everything. He told me what a great guy you were. That you were smart, and funny and just a great friend."

I still didn't have a clue as to where he was going with this.

"I told you about my parents right? About how much they want me to get good grades, so I can like become president or something."

I nodded. He wasn't making any sense to me, what did his parents and his grades have to do with me? Did he want me to tell his parents he was doing well in school? Like did they need to hear that from another Korean kid or something?

"So I'm not really, you know getting good grades. I'm basically failing every one of my classes, and I swear I have been studying. So, when I heard from Hoseok you'd also sometimes help him with his studying I thought maybe you would help me too."

His voice had gotten soft, barely more than a whisper and his cheeks were the colour of someone that had been in the sun for way too long. He wanted me to tutor him?

"Why didn't you just ask me? Why give up a lot of your time and in the end not even bring it up?"

"I was ashamed."

I had to try my best to hear what he was saying.

"Back when I was in high school I already struggled to keep my grades high enough to even be considered for a scholarship. I would sometimes ask my dad for help but he would always turn me down, saying I was weak to ask for help. That real man solve their problems on their own."

Jungkook who was lost in his own emotions got startled when my hand gently touched his shoulder. When he looked up at me I saw there were tears glistering in his eyes.

"I'm sorry your dad was like that, but you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. I know it's hypocritical of me to tell you that, but I've started to realise this these last couple of weeks."

Jungkook manged to sent me a teary smile. I decided not to tell him about my music just yet, I didn't want to make this moment about me again.

"I'll help you with school on the condition that you also show me the rest of your videos."

Jungkook let out a nervous laugh, like he was letting go of the last piece of discomfort he had been keeping in for so long.

"Deal," he said while shaking my hand.

***
Hello lovelies,

Remember that thing I said, about this being less sad and emotional. I realised I don't do that... So yeaaaah, let's get those tissues back. It won't be as sad and depressing as I Need U, don't worry.

Also I am casually trying not to die at the idea of the comeback being TWO DAYS AWAY. I'm cool, I'm good...

Love Mel💜