Autumn [MYG]

죄송 해요

"Yeah..." I nodded pushing him on "Yeah we're just acquaintances, nothing more" I forced myself to smile at Namjoon. 

Yoongi got out something from his bookbag. I placed my bag at the corner near the door to the practice room. "So, how long have you played the piano?", Namjoon asked.

I shrugged and said, "I don't remember... but I believe since five years old?" I paused and tried remembering more information "My dad was a pianist himself, he had mad skills. He often played piano for my mom and me, although it was only when we were having troubles" 

Namjoon seemed satisfied with my answer "So you must be an expert at the instrument then?". I laughed and shook my head "I guess, I still need to work on my playing a bit more"

"We're going to start class now Namjoon," Yoongi took out the same piece from yesterday "You have to get going"

Namjoon frowned "Okay..." He looked at me and gave me a wide smile with his dimple showing "Then I'll see you around Hazel" and just like that he left out the door, scurrying his way out into the hallway. 

Yoongi cleared his throat shaking Hazel away from her thoughts, "Let's start then". I sat down on the stool putting my foot on the pedal and then settling my fingers on the delicate keys of the piano. "Remember what we talked about yesterday" Yoongi ordered. 

I let out a breath, releasing my nervousness. 

Play like someone is with you.

I merely glanced at my childhood piece, Love's Sorrow. 

I remembered what my dad told me about this piece. There were two of them: Love's Sorrow and Love's Joy. See, what made them different was their indefinite feel for love. The first focusing on love's deepest regrets and sadness whilst the second portrayed the adventurous youthful yet mature love. 

I sometimes wondered what the composer had gone through to make him write such emotional conjuring music. Was it the same for Beethoven when he lost his hearing, his deepest regrets that were portrayed into such anger in his music? Or was it sorrow that brought his music to life?

My fingers tingled in excitement, my fingers began flying through the keys playing and playing. The endless sound, sugar to my ears, like waves to the shore. My fingers were playing the keys right until I began losing myself. There it was, that darkness that was eating me up inside. The pain and sinful guilt burning my heart, coursing through my blood. I was beginning to fall deep into the water, losing my breath and somehow I couldn't process Yoongi's words from before.

What was happening to me?

My grip loosened and I was at the bottom at the ocean, stuck with nowhere to go. I stopped not being able to continue as the treacherous memories of my father appearing in my mind tsunami waves. 

I sighed and took my fingers off the piano, what was it with me?  

"You okay?" I heard Yoongi's voice and came back to reality. I gazed at his calm face, his eyes shined in question. "I don't know" I stated honestly. 

"What can I do to help you, Hazel?" I wasn't sure if he was asking that for himself or for me. I closed my hands into fists. "I was a fool to think someone like me can be helped", I bit my lip and looked down at my shoes. 

"You can be helped" He simply stated as if talking about your problems was easy, "You have too much confidence Min Yoongi" I returned my gaze at his pallid face. 

"What can I say, it's carved into me," he said with a small smile "Clearly," I said.

"Listen Hazel, if you want to be helped, you have to tell me what's going on or else you can't be helped" He gazed at me with a serious gaze "What happened to you that made you not be able to play piano and how were you able to play piano in front of the judges that day?"

"Why would I tell you anything? We barely know each other"

"That's right, we barely know each other but we all deserve to be listened to", how was it possible that someone I barely knew was already breaking my shell of a heart? I stood there for a moment silent while looking at him.

"I'm sorry... I can't" I heard him sigh but he nodded "Alright, I'm not going to force you". I picked myself up from the chair and saw him once again "Will we have a lesson tomorrow?"

"Sorry, no, I have rehearsal for something tomorrow and the day after. However, we can on Saturday", I grasped the strap of my book bag and threw it onto my shoulder. "Alright then, see you on Saturday then". He politely nodded and I took my leaving. 

___________________________

I laid staring straight at the clothes spinning around the dryer. Hoseok was reading a book and was just sitting there thinking. A question came into mind. Was mom doing okay?

I took out my phone punched in my mother's contact. However, I hesitated on pressing the call button. 

"Aren't you going to call her?" I heard Hoseok ask, "I don't know if I want to..."

"Are you scared of getting into a fight with her again?", I sighed and slowly nodded my head "She's your mom Hazel, she wouldn't do anything to hurt you on purposely" he put the book down turned to me.

"But she has, she always hurts me," I said, Hoseok grabbed my left hand. His warmth sent me chills against my skin, "I know she does but you can't ignore her forever Hazel. She's your mother."

I rolled my eyes, "Easier said than done" I sarcastically remarked. 

"Fine then don't do it, I'm not the one who's going to be regretting it afterward", he huffed and crossed his left leg over his right. "Why do you have to be like this?", I threw my head back against the wall.

"Because I care" he simply said.

I scoffed and glared at him "Sure you do," I pushed my brown hair back "You always do this. You always act like you're the correct one and it pisses me off" 

"Hazel I was just-" He stood up "God, you push my buttons all the time and you expect me to be the perfect human. You want me to change so much that it's driving me crazy! Why can't you leave me be for once Hoseok?!" I place my hands on my face and started crying for no reason. 

I was supposed to be angry yet I was crying like the little girl I am.

"Hazel..." Hoseok gently pulled my hands away from my face. "I'm so sorry...".

He took me into his arms and cried waves of torment.

I felt so broken.