Autumn [MYG]

반사

One thing about me that I totally hate is my slightly thick body. 

I've always thought I was fat, and I am. I checked myself out, looking at the mirror with the teal blue dress that I bought for my recital today. 

"Hoseok, I look terrible!" I shrieked "I thought you said I looked good in this dress, but I might as wear a trash bag and see how equally as bad as I look". I made eye contact with Hoseok who was busy jumping on my bed to even care.

"Hoseok!", I yelled feeling agitated. I didn't know what I was going to wear to this god damn recital and I definitely was not going to wear this dress. He stopped jumping on the poor bed and got down, for a few seconds he eyed me. 

"You're right, you look awful in that dress," he said with his hand on his chin. I nearly gasped. 

Nearly.

"You look awfully-", I groaned loudly "I know you asshole, I look terrible"

"I was gonna say you look awfully beautiful, but I guess you don't want my opinion". I moaned in displeasure. 

Hoseok was going to be the death of me. 

"I'm going to murder you", I bit out, "If you were the one to murder me, I'd totally be okay with it," he said with a playful smirk. 

God, he was so annoying.

"It's 1:45 Hazel, you're gonna be late if you continue with this". I sighed loudly, I was ready to just give up and not go. Besides, I was only doing this piano competition because of him. 

Because I got to see him there, playing his piano. I grabbed my music piece and my small purse shoving in my black phone not paying attention to which pocket I put it in. 

"Hoseok, I'm going to fail" I already felt my hands shaking from nervousness. "Don't worry, you're going to ace that recital. I believe in you" he rubbed my back comfortingly. 

"Thanks...", I went to the door and burst out of the house. My hair blowing gently in the wind, I felt a shiver go up my spine. I had forgotten to bring a jacket but unfortunately, I was too lazy to go back to the apartment. 

I headed out to the street and motioned for a taxi. I finally managed to get inside the car without freezing my ass off. I blew onto my hands trying to warm myself up.

"Where to?" the driver asked "Sinchon please" I requested. I took out my phone and saw the time. 

1:50

I tried calming myself down, I had 10 minutes till I got there before it was my turn. I plugged in my headphones trying to find some comfort in music but I just could not stop shaking. Whether it was because I was nervous or because I was cold, my cold hands started swarming with sweat. Since it wasn't traffic time yet, there wasn't much traffic. So when I got off the car after giving the man the money, I knew that it was time.

_____________________________

I entered inside and when to the front desk getting my number from a middle-aged woman who politely showed me the way backstage. I got to my turn just right on time, the kid before me had already finished but just as soon as he made it off stage he burst into tears.

"Moon Hazel!", the announcer called my name. Suddenly I felt myself tense up, I put my bag on the floor where all the others were and penguined myself to the stage. I felt like my heart was going to explode. It was hammering against my chest, choking the life out of me. I looked at the audience. 

They are not there Hazel, calm your tities or else you won't make through this competition at all. Hoseok would have told me by now to not be a kid and grow up, although I knew he was not harsh on me, I knew exactly what he was thinking. I sat on the stool, collected the music on the stand, and looked at the piano keys.

Hazel, play for yourself, I screamed in my head. As I looked to the right side of the piano, I saw a reflection of myself. Although I covered myself up pretty well, the only person I could see was the normal Hazel who had eye bags from not being able to sleep much, who had thick arms but somehow I could see a hint of confidence in her eyes. That even after so much she had been through, she was still alive, fighting through every mountain and river. 

I placed my hands on the piano feeling myself relax a bit. I had to calm down, or else this may end up in shreds. I closed my eyes and started.

When I opened my eyes again and saw myself inside my room back at home. Hoseok was next to me and I was crying but there he was comforting me. He patted my head rubbing it softly, my cries became louder as he hugged me from the side saying words. 

Before I knew it, I was drowning in memories filled where it was just me and him. My mom was sick but there he was next to me when I was crying because I had no one left. 

Those torrents of waves that had once drowned me were the ones choking me trying to leave no room for breathing but there I was taking a big gulp of air trying to keep on living. 

I was there.

And Hoseok was there... 

I was back into the recital hall, the music of Chopin's Barcarolle in F sharp major echoed into the audience, ending with a final note of bliss. Then I heard claps, I looked at the never-ending darkness, and there in the back was Hoseok with the same grin on his face. 

And next to him was the man that I couldn't stop thinking about. He was my reason for being here, and he was clapping.

Clapping for me. 

A sort of warmness trailed my heart like never before. I got up and bowed to the judges and grabbed my music, then rushed off the stage. I broke out into a big smile and started squealing like a little girl. 

The name of another girl was called out and I briskly made my way to the outside hoping to get some good seats to watch his performance. As I made it out, someone called my name. I turned around and I found Hoseok who had his arms open wide. 

There he was again.

I ran to him and hugged him, I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me tightly to his chest. "You did great out there" he whispered. 

I nearly cried but I didn't.