childhood memories

Chapter 11

I hadn't slept, I couldn't, If father came in and saw this god knows how he'd react...
My eyes hung tired, staring at the lamp glowing softly within the room, hovering on the nightstand.
It twinkled in the tearful eye and caressed my cheeks gently, too painful to look at yet too beautiful to ignore.
Making me chuckle with its resistance it made my tears flow faster.
Why couldn't I be like that?
A beautiful light, something that was always happy, always joyful, always independent and lacks pity!
Why, why must I attract attention, it just makes things worse.
Honesty...harbours guilt, torture and regret, sleepless nights asking why did I have to open my damn mouth for a plea of help.
I shouldn't ask for help, that's bad, all it does is bad, talking doesn't help, just makes things worse, makes me know how much of a coward I really am beneath this-this body!
Gripping to Vylad he smiled within my embrace, snuggling to me warmly.
I had the faintest clue what to do...they need me so dearly and I.. I spend my days in a freezer instead of protecting them...
I stroked his hair, feeling Zane's soft breaths waving against the back of my neck with his leg limp over my hip, arms hugging my torso.
He snore quietly, mumbling.
It made me smile slightly and I feel I must admit, he never did like getting close to me...but when we did he seemed to drift straight off to sleep, at peace almost.
I'd fight for them...both of them, to my dieing breath!
My eyes narrows, tears dwelling to blur my vision.
I will never let them get hurt.... not again.
The faint noise of yelling rung from downstairs as my eyes glanced to the door.
Mom must be arguing with father again...it sounds harsh too.
In fact it got so loud, I was almost certain my brothers were going to wake.
So, I managed to free myself, let them latch onto one another sweetly before grabbing my nightgown off the back of the door.
It was a dark Navi blue and trailed ever so slightly behind me as I walked, being careful as to keep out of way with my bare feet.
Still harbouring the water bottle i held it close to my stomach.
Maybe if he took a strike at me it'd hit that instead of my stomach..I'm afraid to say it felt as if lunch was going to pay a visit.
The yelling got louder and louder as I approached the stairs, them once fainted growls turning to forbidden screams.
Of what they was yelling about I couldn't quiet understand, all they kept saying was:
"IT ISN'T MY FAULT!"
"oh? Oh that's rich! The hotshot can't even admit he made a mistake!"
"SHUT UP!"
"no! You do nothing around this house! All you do is come home after work and sleep! Heck I'd be lucky if you went out to the bar!"
"I SAID SHUT UP!"
"make me! At least when you're out I don't have to listen to your fucking complaining-"
He silenced her with a single strike against the cheek, the force that great it made her stumble into the nearby wall.
I flinched, hearing the impact as I quietly went down the stairs and peeked into the living room, trembling, shaking, unaware of what I was about to witness.
"I DO NOT COMPLAIN! YOU HEAR ME?! I WORK HARD EVERYDAY TIRELESSLY AND ALL I SEEM TO GET IS FUCKING: MISBEHAVING KIDS AND A WIFE THAT DOESN'T DO SHIT!"
He snarled, her eyes glaring up at him.
He watched and paused for a moment.
"I married you because I loved you Zianna...what happened to that girl?"
He questioned
"...heh, you loved me...ha! That's why you married me?! Not the big bust or sex addiction?! You couldn't keep your damn hands off me! That's why we struggle with our kids-"
She was about to finish before he snapped, eyes glaring wide with his teeth gritted fiercely.
I sunk down into my nightgown, watching.
"I'm sorry...'OUR' kids? Really Zianna? With how many men you've slept with its a chance not a single one of them is mine!...we know that as a definite with Vylad"
He added as she looked away.
"Don't pin that on me!"
"Why not?! You sleep with someone else to get Zane!? Or maybe Garroth! Heck do you have kids that I don't even know about!?"
She slapped him, glaring while boiling with frustration.
"I am no whore you hear me?!"
The tension between them soon settled as she walked away, grabbing her coat.
"...And where are you going?"
Garte questioned.
"Away from you..."
She replied
Just as she was about to grab her handbag he grabbed her hair viscously, pulling her backwards.
I jolted as she let out a sudden scream, obviously startled by the fact he would do such a thing.
"You ain't going anywhere! Not without my damn approval!"
He slammed her cheek into the wall, making her sweet, tender lips open and flex out a painful cry.
Coming in close he practically pinned her to the wall, his dry mouth whispering down her ear.
Of course I couldn't hear him but from what I could see, his hand down the from of her pants, groping seductively, she was finding it difficult to catch her breath.
"H-Hm, you sick b-bastard~"
She no longer screeched but merely moaned out the insult.
He continued to murmur, seeming to get more aggressive down at her lower region, gripping and groping, kissing up her neck.
"A-Ah!~ G-Garte, stop, please, p-papa~"
As i became mildly aware of what they was doing I gagged and turned a blind eye, the moaning only seeming to get louder.
"Ew, Ew, Ew"
I made my exit, heading back up the stairs quietly and back to my room. Even when I closed the door I could still faintly hear them.
Gross...you think by this age they would have stopped that nonsense...bit it was quieter than the yelling... that's SOMETHING to be gratful for.
Luckily my brothers were still asleep, seeming happy in eachothers embrace.
However, I had to part them, taking Zane up into my arms first before gently placing him in his bed, ensuring his favourite teddy (which was a horse by the way) was by his side.
He always said he hated it but, heh, I knew better.
And with Vylad, I gave him the still warm water bottle to mimic my body heat...he was easily woken when he felt something was wrong...like a sixth sense? Sorta?
I don't know he just seems to wake up and look for something I'd it's out of place.
That got me thinking...what did dad mean, it's 'a definite' with Vylad?...is he our brother?
I stroked his hair softly, watching while he smiled at the touch.
He had hardly any resemblance to Garte in him, no blonde hair, no blue eyes...heck no broad shoulders yet I still feel the need to care for him.
It doesn't matter, he's in the same position as me...I will not let him down.