childhood memories

Chapter 26

The room grew silent.
"I-I don't know why I do it...I just...feel pointless? All the time...like...I'm not good enough..and..."
I looked to my father, our eyes meeting.
"That I'm a d-disappointment"
I broke into soft sobs, both my brothers bewildered by the fact I was doing this as they knew, for a fact, that I was not the one to ever hurt myself.
I had too strong a morals.
After they managed to calm me, I stated that...that I belted myself...an old self punishment technique called 'flagellation' on more professional terms.
The headmaster was shocked, so was my father...on behalf of my cowardice or courage I do not know.
They organised counselling, free class periods through the day and associated one person in which I felt comfortable around to stay will me.
I chose Laurence.
Vylad would want to be with Dante and Zane...Zane wouldn't like to be stuck with me.
School is the only thing he enjoys  away from me.
So...I figured why not.
The headmaster stated that as of right now I can go home, and that he will have a private meeting with Laurence to discuss my... problems and how is best to help fix them.
I wasn't really listening if I'm honest...
Even the guilt of lieing itself was taking a toll.
As we made our way home, taking luxury in our car ride home the vehicle was silent.
When we got home we was greeted by our mother who wrapped her arms around Garte's neck and gave him one passionate kiss on the lips.
He smiled and looked down to me as I squoze past,
I wasn't in the mood for talking let alone watch them fantisize over one another.
I went straight to my room, being followed by a rather furious brother.
Walking into my room he followed through, slamming the door behind us.
"Why the fuck did you do that?!"
Zane spat at me.
"...do what?"
I asked as he came in my face, standing on his tiptoes to make himself look tall.
"You know exactly what!"
He sneered
"Why'd you lie for that bastard?"
He snarled
"Don't say that...he might hear you"
I mumbled as he scoffed
"Hear me?
I hope to damn he hears me!
You lied to-to get attention!"
He replied.
He can call me a bastard, a faggot, a cunt...but I do not want attention, i never have.
All I ever wanted was an easy life, a life where I'm left alone.
"Attention!?
I did no such thing!"
"Oh yes you did! What, you and Laurence flirting not working out?!"
He yelled as I growled.
"Shut up!
I did what I did because of my  brothers!
You!
Vylad!
I'm sick of moving around all the time!
And I'm sick of you avoiding people because you're too damn afraid of getting attached!"
I replied, both of us fueled with a bitter rage.
"Well, I wouldn't be afraid if you didn't get in trouble in the first place!"
Just as he finished that statement I gripped his throat, pinning him to the wall violently.
He jolted and looked me fearful in the eye.
"Don't you EVER say that...I don't ask to be judged day and night ESPECIALLY by you...so cut me some slack"
I grunted
"Ttt, you're just like Dad--"
I squoze tighter, he gasped.
"I did what I did because I'm not dad...I did it for Vylad...he's happy here and...and I don't want to be the one to tare him away from yet another friendship"
I stated
"Heh, what makes this one different?!"
He yelled
"isn't is obvious?!
...listen to yourself Zane, you're not the child I remember"
I added as he tugged from my grasp
"Heh, yeah, you're right"
He grumbled
"I'm not a child...the day Father first ever hit me...I knew this world was screwed...there's nothing but pain...and the sooner you accept it the sooner things will start not to matter"
He glared at me, utter empathy bleeding from my ears.
He'd lost hope...and so would Vylad if we kept on like this...
I stood tall.
"You find it easy....but I will never accept that all there is in this world is pain...I know somewhere you'll be happy, we'll be happy"
I rested a hand on his shoulder, and I'm honestly shocked he didn't push it away.
"We'll be a family...just you, me and Vylad...we don't need Mom or Dad...we never have"