Not Everything Goes According to Plan (Brallon/Ryden)

Chapter 14: What's in is Dispair

{Dallons POV}

It's 1:30 am. Brendon's still out with his 'friend' and I'm just sitting here,

"Wishing and waiting for you to come home..." I sing as I strum my guitar in my bunk.

By now I'm delirious from staying up so late. My eyes grow heavy as I try to fight falling to sleep, but I remind myself that I have to stay up for Brendon. I want to make sure he's ok, it's not like him to ignore my texts while he's out.

Don't start to panic Dal, he's a big boy he's fine. Just play your guitar and wait.

I start to pull my fingers across the ragged strings and sing in a pitchy voice,

"Brennnnnndoooooon. Where can you be? Oh Brennnndoooon!!! It's 1:37 we should be havinnng seeeeexxxxx."

Yeah I'm losing it.

I give up staying awake for my boyfriend to come home and turn off the lights of my bunk. I cuddle up into my pillow wishing it was Brendon and gently rest my eyes.

Before I know it, I am woken up by a shuffling noise in the bunk above me.

"Hey Bren." I groggily whisper and turn to go back to sleep.

I hear a sniffle and a faint 'Hello' before he rolls over again. I get up out of my bunk concerned, and find him scrunched up and suffocating his pillow. His face is covered in tears and I see his chest bouncing as he tries to hold in his cry.

"Babe, are-are you ok?"

He turns to me and his facial expression drains before he begins to sob. I walk up to his bed and hug him as he buries his face is my arm.

I run my fingers softly through his hair and hold him tight, trying to make him feel better but it does the opposite. Instead, he cries even harder and repeatedly whispers,

"I'm sorry Dal."

I'm sorry? For what?

"No no no it's ok, it's ok." I reassure him still petting his hair. I can't stand to see him like this. It makes my stomach hurt to see him in pain. And it seems like I'm only making this worse, did I do something wrong? He's concealing himself so much these past days that I just don't know what to do anymore. Ive tried talking to him but he just won't let out to me.

"It's not okay." He takes a deep and choppy breath, "I almost did something horrible. And I don't know if you'll ever forgive me."

"No matter what I will always love you Bren. You know that. You can tell me anything, ok?" I hug him tighter.

He pulls back from my grasp around him and looks down at his hands. He's about to break down again but he holds himself back.

"I almost slept with Ryan." He shakily admits, before tears start to fall down his face once again.

I feel nothing. I don't know what to feel. What the hell does this mean? Am I supposed to be happy that he 'almost' slept with another man, or angry at the fact that he saw him behind my back and straight lied to my face?

What did his 'I love you' mean to him?

I can't think straight. I quietly get up, put on a jacket, and walk towards the door without speaking a sound. I need to think this over, I need to get out of here right now.

"Dallon please I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry. Don't leave. Please don't leave me right now. I need you. I know I fucked up badly, but I love you and you know that."

I don't understand because if you loved me you wouldn't have done this.

I walk up to the tour bus door and ignore his plea. I look down, sigh, and harshly pull my hands back through my hair. I sniffle, pull the handle, and walk out into the cold 3am night.