Not Everything Goes According to Plan (Brallon/Ryden)

Chapter 12: What's the Worst Thing I Could Say?

{Back to Dallon POV}

The next few days were pretty uneasy, I have to admit. Brendon...he just wasn't himself. We were continuing our tour throughout the west coast and the last three days he hasn't been his hyper and enthusiastic self. His days have been consisting of waking up at noon, eating, getting ready for a show, playing a show, then going to bed. I mean we haven't even had a full on conversation about it.

It worries me. I hate to see him like this: hurt and confused.

I gather my thoughts as I walk up to the bathroom on the bus while we're stopped for the night. I hear mumbling and whispers coming from inside, so I lean my ear against the door and hear a faint sniffle.

"Please, please pick up"

It's Brendon.

He continues to whisper into the conversation,

"He...Hello? Ryan?"

I lean in closer and hear him trying to sound confident and keep himself from crying, but it's no use.

"I'm sorry too, I miss you. I miss your company, our friendship, our relationship. I can't go one night without thinking about you kissing me for the first time, or how when you walked in a room butterflies would fill my stomach." I can just imagine the tears running down his face, rolling off his chin and to the floor one by one.

I stare blankly at the wall in front of me. My hands cringe and I am expressionless and confused.

But. He told me he loved me. He wanted to be with me forever.

Was I only temporary until Brendon got his little fuck buddy back? I know he missed Ryan but what about me? Is he just going to dump me for the 'better man'?

What about me?

I can hear Brendon grin through the door. "That would be amazing Ryan. I'll be there." He responds to the phone. His tears if depression have now turned into tears of joy, I couldn't even change his emotions that fast.

I need a second to puzzle this together. Was he really going to go meet his ex-boyfriend behind the back of his current boyfriend whom he just told he lives him?

Before I can answer my thoughts, I hear the door click and unlock. I scurry to my bed -to make it the least obvious I was eavesdropping- and start to strum my guitar.

Brendon is standing in the doorway staring at me with a small smile and glossy brown eyes from his tears. He looks down and begins to talk in a monotone voice,

"Hey umm Dal...I'm going to meet with a buddy of mine right now. I'll be back in a couple hours k?"

Old buddy indeed. "Yeah sure who is he? Do I know him?" I respond with a smart ass look on my face, chin resting on my palm.

He's tongue tied on what to say. He grazes his right hand back through his hair and sighs," Um.. ya know my friend, ugh Brent. Yeah! Brent Wilson." It's obvious when Brendon lies through his teeth. He doesn't make eye contact and does this weird hand twitch that- he makes it too easy.

Yes Bren, because you are totally in touch with Brent.

I decide to let it slide and trust Brendon. Although the knot in my stomach is telling me not to, my conscience is telling me to have faith in him. He is my boyfriend after all, and we must have to trust in a relationship right?

He walks out in his Beatles t-shirt and converse. I've never seen that shirt before; it's all worn out and faded like it's been the back of a closet for years.

He gently closes the bus door as he exits and walks down the steps, shoes squeaking from the rain. I just stare at the door and sigh. I don't know how this will turn out. Letting him leave, may have been the worst mistake of my life. I wanted him to be happy but- not this way.

I go and grab my guitar, lay myself on the tight bunk, and softly whisper at the door,

"Don't forget I have feelings too Bren."