Memory Park

II.Walang tigil na ulan

I was 20 last time I was here. Roughly 5 years ago. Dito ako unang natutong tumawa at maging masaya, thanks to her.

Sabi nila, may mga panahon na mas pinipili nating kalimutang ang mga pangyayari sa buhay natin para maging mas kampante at mas masaya tayo, pero may mga bagay na kahit na masakit, kailangan nating alalahanin para magsilbing paalala na may mas ikakasaya tayo.

Ayoko ng mamuhay na lagi kong tinatanong sarili ko kung tama ba naging desisyon ko na lumayo. I went out with other women, just to forget her, pero kahit anong turo gawin ko sa damdamin ko, walang nagbago. Its about time I settle this and find out for good if I am still worthy of her.

I moved in sa bahay na bigay ni Lola. I am atleast 2 houses away from her house. Naalala ko pa yung hitsura niya noong bata pa kami. Kasama ko siya sa school, magmula elementary, hanggang high school, hanggang mag college. Long hair which she always ties into a bun, colorful sweatshits, a pair of good running shoes , and that smile. How can one forget such smile.

For one thing, Laging umuulan sa Baguio. Traydor panahon dito. I remember how I'd always bring an extra umbrella because she always forgets to bring one. Kung nagdala man siya, laging hinahangin at bumabaliktad.

Saw her this morning. Peach blouse, floral skirt, doll shoes. She doesn't tie her hair anymore into a bun. Nakalugay na lang, still effortlessly beautiful.

There's a party at their house. It's Tito's birthday. Lola Tracey invited me, but I'm not ready yet, not after what I did.

Ulan. Umuulan na naman. Walang tigil na ulan. But if she were here with me, she would say: Eh ano naman kung umuulan, at least we'd get to indulge in more cups of coffee, sabay ngiti, I would them pinch her cheeks, saka niya ako hahampasin sa braso. She had always positive ways to look at things, and I go bananas (in a good way) over that. Ergo, bininyagan ko siyang Carmela Banana.

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