Star & Twinkle (Completed)

Chapter 5

1 year later

Tears were streaming down her eyes as Vicky boarded the bus. She quickly covered the newborn baby's face to keep it from inhaling all the pollution in the air. She fidgeted on her seat, trying to settle down. She rested her head on the back of the seat and inhaled deeply. She took a peek at the sleeping newborn and immediately, her tears began to pour again. She cried quietly as she stared outside. Ano ba tong ginagawa ko? She thought to herself as she breathed deeply again trying to stop herself from sobbing. When she couldn't hold it any longer, she held the baby's face next to hers and hid her eyes by the baby's neck as she cried. Sorry, baby. Sorry talaga. Sorry kelangan kong gawin 'toh. Eto nararapat para sayo. She said it all in her head, careful not to wake the three-day-old baby and careful not to let anyone hear her.  She kissed the baby gently on the forehead and hugged her tightly but gently. She closed her eyes and prayed, "Diyos ko, patawad po. Patawarin nyo po ako sa gagawin ko." She took off her sunglasses, wiped her tears and put them back on again. Vicky sighed and checked the time. It wasn't time to feed the baby yet, so next, she checked on her diaper. She nodded to herself, thankful that the baby doesn't need to be changed yet. Vicky cried again. To say that she was overwhelmed was an understatement. She clearly does not have any clue on what she's doing and she's terrified more than anything else. She never even held a baby before, or at least not for a very long time. She has never fed a baby nor even tried changing a diaper, but she doesn't have a choice. She was desperate now.

An hour into the bus ride, the baby started moving, and it startled Vicky. She was dreading this, but she knew the baby was going to wake up any time. She took a deep breath to try and slow down her own breathing. She was a nervous wreck, and it was as if the baby could feel her discomfort because the baby started to squirm in her arms and began crying. Vicky was panicking now. She tried to comfort the baby, "Ssshh, baby, teka lang ha. Lalagay muna kita dito sa tabi ko tapos gagawa tayo ng milk, ok?" She put a blanket onto the empty seat next to her and gently placed the wiggling baby on top of it. She shook her head, she was dizzy now. She was breathing so fast, and the bus ride was not helping. Still, she had no choice but to make the baby's milk. She tried to prepare everything the baby needs before they left, hoping she didn't forget anything. The baby started to cry harder, and Vicky got even more nervous. She didn't have anyone to help her. She was all alone. It wasn't helping when she realized a bunch of people were staring and whispering behind her back seemingly judging her situation, but she had to put all of that behind. Her focus was on the baby, not on anyone else, not even herself. "Eto na o, eto na, baby. Iinom na tayo ng milk." She put the milk she made in between her legs and carried the baby as gently as she possibly could. She was so tiny, fragile, but beautiful, Vicky's heart broke even more. The baby cried, and Vicky cried quietly with her. Desperate, she rocked the baby gently trying to calm her as she tried to feed her. The baby's mouth quickly found its way to the nipple of the bottle, sucked on it, and closed her eyes. Vicky was flooded with relief. She stared onto the baby's rosy cheeks. How can such a tiny human being make such a big impact on her? Vicky smiled a little as the baby continued to drink her milk. Vicky cried again, so she started apologizing again to the baby and to God. After being fed, the baby fell asleep, but within thirty minutes, she started crying again. Vicky knew she must be needing a diaper change, and she was right. She was nervous to change her because she didn't have much room on the bus. She closed her legs. She covered her lap with the blanket and gently placed the baby on top of it. She was careful not to hurt her. She opened one tab of the diaper at a time and gently cleaned and changed the baby. She could feel her own legs shaking, but she was lucky the baby seemed to cooperate because she didn't wiggle or move at all while she changed her. After the baby was changed, she slept soundly again. However, Vicky was so anxious, she couldn't sleep. The whole bus ride consisted of feeding, rocking and changing the baby, and Vicky crying and praying. After a few more hours, they finally arrived at their destination. One more short ride on the jeepney, and she's finally home.