Neighborhood Music

Going Crazy

The days started to blur together for Cesar. Between running drugs for the Santos, and hanging out with Olivia, he didn't see much of Monse. He figured it would take a while for him to get over her, but it had nearly been a month, and now he was starting to notice things. 

The first thing he noticed was that kissing Olivia was boring. He'd figured that out after his first date. Sure she was sweet, and drop dead gorgeous, but something was missing. He could kiss her with his eyes open. He could not kiss her at all and feel completely content. He wasn't interested in kissing her at all. 

The second thing he noticed is that looking at Monse had become a sort of drug to him. She hadn't walked to school with them in ages, but every morning, he'd wait on his porch just to get a look at her as she headed past him. It was electrifying. Deep down he knew that there was probably something wrong if kissing his girlfriend was less thrilling than looking at his ex... well he really wasn't sure what to call her anymore. 

Of course all of that changed when they started planning Olivia's quince. Cesar found himself looking forward to putting up with Ruby's insanity just so that he could be around Monse for a few hours. 

"So how've you been?" He asked her one afternoon. 

They were walking to Ruby's after school to practice for the quince dance. It was the first time they had been alone together since she decided to end things. 

"Good" She said timidly

Cesar didn't like that she felt so far away, but he was determined to warm her up a little bit. 

"Are you ever going to be my friend again?" he asked, mimicking her shy tone

Monse stopped walking and looked at him, "We are friends." 

"Doesn't really feel like it." He replied 

Monse frowned, "I never said I didn't want to be your friend Cesar." 

"No. You just stopped coming around, and speaking to me... or when I'm in earshot. Honestly I'm surprised you haven't broken out into a run to get away from me." he joked 

They walked a little further, but Monse stuck her hand out to stop him before they got to Ruby's 

"Look, I'm really sorry." she said, looking him in the eye

Cesar found him self thinking about the night she found out he got jumped in, how he studied her face to remember her. That memory had seen him through the last few weeks without her in ways she'd never realize. 

"It's cool. I just thought we should thaw you out a bit Ice Queen" he teased. 

After that things settled down a bit. Quince prep was a lot less awkward, and Cesar no longer felt like he was keeping Olivia and Monse apart. Unfortunately, he increasingly felt like Olivia was keeping him and Monse apart. 

Three days before the quince, Cesar talked Monse into walking to the corner store with him after practice. They laughed and talked about Ruby and his antics the whole way there. 

"Ruby's not crazy." Cesar laughed as they were leaving, ice cold drinks in hand

Monse rolled her eyes at him, "He ordered a horse." 

Cesar cackled for a moment, before becoming serious. 

"What does Laura Diaz think?" He asked, referring to the fake facebook profile Monse had created to stalk the woman who might have been her mother. 

Monse laughed.

"Seriously. Did you ever hear back?" He pressed

She nodded, "Her friend request was accepted." 

"Holy shit!" Cesar said, "Well, what'd you find out?" 

Monse paused, "I haven't started digging yet." 

"Let's go right now!" he offered, excited at the prospect of finding the woman who birthed Monse.

"Mm. I don't know, I feel like I should do it alone, you know. In case I can't handle what I find." She explained 

Cesar nodded, "Ok. But you know I'm here for you, right? I'm still your friend." 

"I know," Monse replied awkwardly

Cesar felt the frustration he had become so familiar with starting to bubble up. He was upset with himself for letting her go with out a fight all those weeks ago, and now it felt like it was too late. But, he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand it. Monse began rambling on about her mother, and he tried his best to keep up, but all he kept thinking about was how much he wanted to hold her. 

"I can't do this." He said, the words were out of his mouth before he even realized he was going to say them.

Monse looked confused, "What?" 

"Pretend we're just friends." He said, "I can't stop thinking about you. About us."

Monse begged, "Please don't Cesar." 

"I can't help it." He argued

"You're with Olivia, and the fam is happy." She insisted

"But I'm not" he snapped, "I think about you all the time." 

When she didn't reply, he kept going. 

"Do you ever think about me?" He asked

Monse eyed him. He waited anxiously for her to say something, anything. Silently, he prayed he didn't just royally fuck everything up. 

"All the time." She finally answered 

He reached for her, trying to ignore the memory of shoving him away the last time he tried to get close to her. This time she let him pull her close. He leaned in ready to kiss her again after all this time, and luck did him dirty for what seemed to be the 20th time. Latrell and one of his homies rolled up and started talking shit out of nowhere. At first Cesar thought it was funny, Latrell was a kid from the block same as they were. They really had no reason to be afraid of him. But then he pulled a gun and everything changed. 

Cesar pushed Monse behind him, looking back to make sure she was ok. He stood there staring at Latrell, who was still running his mouth while he waved his gun around at them. Finally, once he'd said his piece, his homie sped off, leaving Monse and Cesar alone on the street. 

Cesar spun around so fast he nearly tripped.

"Are you ok?" he asked, searching her face and running his eyes over her body a few times. 

She nodded, but Cesar saw the tears welling up in her eyes, she was scared. 

"No, no, no, cariña, don't cry. It's ok." he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. 

She clung to him like a child does to their mother when something spooky happens. 

With his free hand, Cesar reached into his pocket and shot off a text to Oscar. 

Cesar // 10:17pm

Prophet's just rolled up on us, I'm with Monse. Latrell pulled a gun.

Seconds later, his brother responded 

Oscar // 10:17pm

Stay right there. I'm on my way.

Cesar stood there rocking Monse back and forth to calm her down. Once Oscar arrived he stepped away from her to explain to his brother exactly what happened. Monse said she was going to call Ruby and Jamal, but he couldn't take an eye off her for a second. Not even when Oscar scolded him and demanded that he focus.