So Close

Chapter 14

I am about to start my last week at school and was grounded because I threw a huge party while my parents were away so I have a whole week where I cant leave my house. I am dedicating that to writing and fitness. Who knows? I might start up a new One Shots Story. 

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After getting home from coffee, I noticed Nell and Dad still weren’t home. The light was flashing on the answering machine so I walked over and pressed play.

“Hello my little petal, its Dad. Nell and I are staying her for the night, we agreed to stay for dinner and she passed out on the couch so we are just going to crash her. Im sorry about that. Feel free to order in, I’ll reimburse you when we get back tomorrow. Make sure to clean up after yourself and get any homework that you need to get done TONIGHT! We love you, stay safe. Give me a call if there is any dramas. Bye.”

I smiled, wondering whether the story he told was the truth or if he simply had a bit to much wine. I walked over to the tv before turning it on and channelsurfing as I picked the fluff off one of the cushions.

“Maybe he did want you. But he wants me now. Im pregnant with his baby.” The Tv was on a daytime soap where two overly processed women where arguing over a man.

I couldn’t help but identify with these characters. Well, I identified with them until one told the other that her “lover” was actually her half brother, then I turned it off.

Ive always prided myself on being a very logical person who is deliberate in her thoughts and consise in her actions. My inhabitions where explored through my art and the rest of mylife was carefull.

This mess that my heart has gotten me into is messing with my way of being. Its stretching me to my limits, seeing how far out of my comfort zone I can go before I smash. I like to understand, I like to have control and I like to know what is going on around me.

I feel however, that my world is spinning away from me and I just have to watch on in awe as I sit wondering what happened.

I feel pathetic, like a child who has had one of her dolls taken away and given to another little girl to play with. Did I think I had complete control over Niall?

In a way, yes. I was in charge of his secrets and his wellbeing. I was there to ensure that he laughed and was happy and healthy, that he didn’t become friends with the wrong people. I was around so that he stayed true to himself and realised his full potential. I had complete control over him in so many ways. This sounds crazily governing of me, but Niall had the same responsibilities.

I cant help but say, “What have I done? I miss him.” over and over again.

What have I done? I miss him.

What have I done? I miss him.

What have I done? I miss him.

I miss the way we would laugh and share stories and call up late at night in tears because of an argument. I miss the way we could feel so uninhabited around each other when I lay on his stomach in the park. I miss his small, blue room full of old books and childhood toys that we would peg at each other.

I miss the way he would skip down the road to my house, not knowing that I could see him from my window. I never told him that I saw him do it. In a way, it made me feel that I was special enough to him. I didn’t want him to stop because it was better than the nicest compliment you’ve ever received. It feels nice to know that they gueniunely are so excited to see you, that they cant stay on the ground.

What have I done? I miss him.

I cant be alone with these thoughts.

“Hey Zayn. Do you want to come over? Free pizza? I really need a friend” I said softly over the phone.

“Give me ten.” He said, his smile sounding over the phone before he hung up. I ordered two pizzas as I waited and pulled on my blue onesie, tying my hair into a ponytail on top of my head.

“Hey baby girl.” Zayn called through my letterbox as I jumped to the front door.

“Hey Zaynie.” I said, hugging him.

“You ok?” he questioned after I continued to hug him past the average length.

“No.” I shook my head, still gripping his shoulders as I hugged him, sadness leaking out.

“Hmmm, I thought so.” He considered this for a moment before, tangling free of my arms and pulling me by my arm upstairs. I was confused and my brain was still having a game of hide and seek with my common sense and emotions.

I was able to crack a smile as he threw three big duvets at me and told me to carry them downstairs into the lounge. I did what he said and he soon followed with almost five pillows. He dumped them on top of the fluffy blankets before running back and retrieving one that he dropped on the stairs. He arranged them so there was a big, warm, squishy nest to shit in together. I giggled as hecuddled up and he kissed my forehead. He reached into the canvas bag he brought and pulled out a block of chocolate.

“Sorry, Im going on a health food binge.” I said as he shot me an incredulous look.

“Eat my bloody chocolate. Im being nice.” He said almost seriously, his eyes daring me to question him. I grinned sarcastically and pulled off a chunk, placing it in my mouth.

“So, why am I here?” Zayn asked. He sat to the left of me, looking at me as he lay into the big pile, his fingers weaving behind this head. I sat cross legged, looking down.

“Niall.” I said softly as he nodded his head in understanding, waiting for me to continue.

“He told me he loved me. I didn’t say it back, he’s moving on.” I said as Zayn’s eyes widened.

“Do you love him?” Zayn asked.

“I think I do, yeah.” I admitted as Zayn considered this for a moment.

“Does Niall know?” He asked

“Not really.”

“What are you going to do?” He asked.

“Whats with 20 questions?” I asked, annoyed that he was making me face up to the reality.

“Im trying to understand, and, if im not mistaken, I think you need to understand as well.” He pointed out smugly as I realised the truth and shut up. “Now, what are you going to do?”

“Nothing? What can I do?” I replied.

“You cant do nothing. You love him, he loves you. You cant just do nothing!” Zayn said, his voice almost one whole octave higher than usual with surprise.

 “He said ‘LOVED’ as in soon to be past tense.” I said, arguing.

“SOON to be past tense. You still have a chance, he still loves you. If he gets over you then you could very well loose your friendship. I know you cant do that, you wont be able to.” Zayn said.

There was silence for a few minutes as I sat still, considering.

“Now, I’ll ask again. What are you going to do?” Zayn asked, similar to a teacher waiting for the right answer after the wrong one had been provided several times in a row.

“Im going to talk to him. Tell him.” I said, I knew it was true. I needed to tell him how I felt, it was only logical that he would have all the information before he made a decision.

“When?” Zayn asked.

“Tomorrow.” I replied, my answer definite, my mind clear.

“FANTASIC!” Zayn said, obviously proud of his achievements. “Now when is the pizza getting here?”

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Hey guys. All three of my up and running stories have been updated and it would literally mean the world if you would let me know what you think. I want to know your oinions on the characters, plot and my writing style.

Please check out my new story; Whatever Happened to Laura Bridges?

I love you guys, seriously. 

Much love and I hope you're all well,

GiGi