Adventurous Adventures of One Direction [script]

niall be like "hooty hoo bitch am an owl" and fucking YEETS into the air

[SCENE SHOWS 1D HQ FROM OUTSIDE]

Psymon [voice over]: One Direction. Thank goodness you're here.

[NEXT SHOT SHOWS INSIDE OF 1D HQ, WHERE ALL THE BOYS ARE STANDING]

Louis: What seems to be the trouble Psymon?

Psymon: It doesn't look good boys. 

Niall: What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo?

Zayn: Niall!

Niall [laughing]: What?

Zayn [glaring at the Irish fuck]: I will mess you up. 

Niall: Mess me up? Oh, like your hairdresser messed up your hair?

Zayn: Oh it is on! (starts hitting Niall)

Niall: Oh- you! (starts hitting Zayn back)

Zayn and Niall [fucking hitting each other]: oW-E-sToP tHAt

Liam [watching them]: It's on like Donkey Kong.

Harry: What?

Psymon: Boys, boys! The world is in a time (tower??? is that what he said??) of need. We cannot afford the squababababoboling. 

Louis: Why what's up Psymon?

Niall: Yeah what's up? Besides Zayn's hair cause that's really up isn't it heh. It's like swWWwEeH (swoosh noise and motion of swoosh)

[ZAYN STARTS HITTING NIALL AGAIN AND NIALL HITS HIM AGAIN]

Psymon: Reports are coming in all over town. Pussycats are going missing by the thousands!

Harry: Oh no! What a catastrophe! Or should I say... CATastrophe. 

[PAUSE]

Louis [hits Harry in the balls]: No you shouldn't. 

Harry [clutching his balls; squeaky]: ᴼkᴬʸ

Louis: We just need to get out there and help people find their pussycats!

Psymon: It may not be as simple as that. We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this.

[MONITOR SHOWS LORD FAPTAGUISE]

The Boysᵀᴹ [shocked]: Lord Faptaguise!!

Liam [really fucking fast for some reason]: ButwedefeatedhiminthebattleofZanderlore! 

Psymon: Well he's back. And we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats.

Harry: So the pussycats didn't just go missing... They've been kidnapped! Or should I say... catnapped! C-cat-catnipped! (looks at The Boysᵀᴹ like 'fuck yeah be proud wasn't that good??') Yeah?

[SLIGHT PAUSE]

Louis [hits Harry in the balls again]: No. 

Harry [voice squeaky again]: ˢᵒrʳʏ.

Louis: So where is Lord Faptaguise?

Psymon [as he's talking, the monitor shows a tank rollin along]: His dreaded tank fortress the Wrathosphere has been spotted on the outskirts of town-

Harry [dreamily]: MmmmMMM skirts. 

Psymon: - heading east. 

Liam: Towards the doimensional gate!

Psymon: Yes. We must act swiftly. If the Wrathosphere escapes to another dimension with the pussycats on board, we'll never see them again. 

Louis: What's the plan?

Psymon: Liam, Niall, and Zayn. You three must infiltrate the Wrathosphere and find your way to the control room. It no doubt will be heavily guarded (little pause) by GUARDS. Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them, allowing Liam to gain access to the control room. 

Niall: Easy! 

Zayn: Piece of pudding!

Harry: What?

Psymon: Liam, once inside the control room you must hack into the security terminal and open the prison cell doors.

Liam: Hey, I'm on it like Donkey Konet.

Harry: What? No wait what? Just open the cell doors? But who's going to round UP all the pussycats and get them out of there? 

Psymon: Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in Harry. 

Harry [smug]: You're telling me. 

Psymon [as he's talking, picture of a swamp shows on monitor]: You must go deep into the Marmatian Swamp and seek the help of an old knight named Paul. He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats.

Harry: I don't need help, I can do it alone!

Psymon: No you can't Harry. That's why you and Louis will seek out Sir Paul together. Only with teamwork can you save all the pussycats. Including your own!

Harry: Oh no Molly!

FUN FACT - HARRY HAS A CAT NAMED MOLLY.

Harry: Did they get Molly? 

[SLIGHT PAUSE]

Louis: I thought it's name was Dusty? 

Harry: Depends which website you read. 

[NEW SCENE SHOWS FLAT]

Harry [thrOWS the door open]: Molly? (gasps as he sees empty box with blanket on it and an empty food bowl with the name Molly on it) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

[MINUTES LATER] 

Harry: -OOOOOOOOOOOOoOOoOoooOOOOoooooₒₒₒₒₒₒₒₒ

Louis: Nice. 

Harry: Thanks. But Lord Faptaguise! He stole my pussycat. (camera zooms in on his face) Now it's personal. Or, should I say.. Pussynal. (gets hit in the balls by Louis and falls) ᴍY ʙALLs.