Adventurous Adventures of One Direction [script]

danny devito c̶a̶n̶ WILL bring back one direction

[SCENE CUTS TO LOUIS AND HARRY IN THE MARMATIAN SWAMP, LOUIS HOLDING A MAP]

Louis: Right. The old knight lives in solitude deep within this swamp. 

Harry: He lives alone? So that makes him... a stag-knight!

Louis [looked up from reading map to look at Harry]: That's your worst one yet. (goes back to reading map, and there's a slight pause before he hits Harry in the balls).

Harry: OOOFH! 

Louis [walking away]: Now come along. 

Harry [voice high]: ʷᵉ'ⱽᵉ ᵇᴱᵉᴺ (clears throat and shakes head before speaking in normal voice) We've been walking for AAAGES. Are you sure we're going in the right direction?

Louis: Well we're following the map. 

Harry: I think we're going the wrong way. 

Louis: Whatdoyouthink I can't read maps? 

Harry: That or you're holding it wrong. 

Louis: What, with my HANDS? That's how most HUMANS hold things. But I guess YOU wouldn't know anything about that!

Harry: What? Are you saying I'm not human?!

Louis: I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples what they think, maybe those will give you a clue! 

FUN FACT - HARRY HAS FOUR NIPPLES

[LOUIS AND HARRY BOTH LOOK DOWN, EITHER AT HARRY'S TORSO OR AT THE FUN FACT. WHEN THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AGAIN, HARRY IS GLARING AND LOUIS IS SMIRKING]

Harry: That's it (walking away from Louis) I'm going this direction. 

Louis: Harry! Come back! We can't go in TWO directions, we have to go in ONE direction!

Harry [turns around]: Not anymore! I can save the pussycats myself! I don't need some old knight to help me, and I certainly don't need YOU!

Louis: Fine!

Harry: Fine!

Louis: Fine!

Harry: Fine!

Louis: Fine! 

Harry: Fine!

[THEY REPEAT THIS LIKE MAYBE FIVE MORE TIMES?? EACH FASTER THAN THE LAST BEFORE HARRY WALKS AWAY]

[AFTER A SHORT PAUSE]

Louis: Fine. You tetrad, titted tosser!