Dead End

CHAPTER 22

24th of December 

Violet and Thea were stood facing each-other in Violet's kitchen. Thea had just woken up, it was around ten thirty, and Violet had spent the morning working on the case. She spent most of the night doing it too. She had spent the night sleeping on the couch, Thea insisted that she should, but Violet wanted to give Thea a break from everything. Now that she knew Thea properly, her passion for the case took a different turn. It wasn't 'let's find Bobby' it had now turned into 'let's find Thea's Bobby' and that made it morph into something far more personal than Violet expected. Just after spending around a day with each other, they had talked so much that Violet's mouth felt dry, and Violet could see the permanent mark on Thea's face from smiling. Truthfully, they didn't go to bed when they arrived at Violet's apartment till very late. When they got there they just resumed the conversation they were having on the balcony, and as the night became more apparent so did the seriousness of their words. Violet told Thea stuff that she had never told anyone, and although it felt foreign to Violet, she liked it. A lot. She liked having a friend like Thea, a relationship that felt old and honest and so new to Violet she didn't even notice she was craving it till she got to experience it.

Thea looked tired, and to Violet it was like eye bags were weighing her down. Her back bent while she stood, and her arms hung by her sides like they were tangled and brought down by vines Violet couldn't even see. She lift them to grab things that Violet offered, but besides from that, her arms, and overall body, remained dead. They both sat by the breakfast table, and Violet watched as Thea tossed her food around, shuffling it around her plate, but it never reaching the centre.

'Is your favourite film still Dead Poets Society?' Violet mocked timidly, lifting her face slightly, only to be met by Thea's soft smile.

'Yes, even after your very bold points last night, it will still be my favourite film.' Thea laughed 'I don't think anything else can convince me otherwise.'

'Besides the fact that you only watch it is because Neil Perry is adorable.' Violet raised her eyebrows and Thea rolled her eyes and turned slightly pink. 'Although, I do agree with you on that point.' Thea finally picked a bit of the french toast off her plate and brought it to her lips, Violet felt herself relax.

'He's more than adorable.' Thea didn't eat the french toast, she just hung the fork right next to her face as the held up her hands, swinging them about as she spoke 'And, have you heard some of the quotes?' Thea dropped the fork, and Violet now narrowed her brows. Thea started to stand up, set her posture like she was about to deliver a scene and then began to say very dramatically what Violet could only recall a scene from the film.

'I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived.' Thea bowed, and Violet hung her head back and laughed at Thea's dramatic performance. Thea returned to her seat and Violet was still laughing. It fell silent, and Violet could hear the smile on Thea.

'It's depressingly beautiful isn't it?' Violet asked, her voice small. The silence still hung on, but Thea nodded her head slightly, her eyes turning darker. Violet hated watching Thea switch feelings like snapping fingers. She hated it.

'Bobby preformed that once for me.' She paused and drew a large breathe, Violet could only watch. 'For my birthday, I turned eighteen, and he took me to this big field.' Violet could feel Thea's heart and stomach turn in on itself. She hated it. 'And there were so many flowers, it was like a sea of them, and then, he sat me on the grass and I could feel the flowers touch my skin and just.' Thea looked up instead of at the table, and straight into Violet's eyes. 'I still feel it.' She said this with so much certainty that Violet knew that that was the moment that he heart broke for sure 'I still feel everything.' Her voice broke and Violet stood up, went over to Thea and hugged her so tight that she could feel Thea's heartbeat. Slow and meaningless, Violet understood the extent of importance this case held for Thea. She loosened her grip, and along with it lost the feeling of the steady lifeless pace of Thea's heart.

'Sorry.' Thea wiped a tear 'It was stupid of me to even recite it.' She pulled a sicking grin that caused Violet's stomach to curl in pain.

'It's not stupid.' Violet hooked her arm around Thea reassuringly 'Letting him live on is the strongest thing you can do. It means there is still meaning, it means you care, even after all this time.' Violet pulled Thea into her chest and she sunk into Violet's hoodie like it was a mattress. 'I admire your ability to still stay passionate even after all this time.' Violet could feel Thea shake from underneath her, and she tightened her hold.

'Let's not talk about him, it's making me relive a life I don't feel is mine.' Thea pulled out of Violet's hold, wiped her tears and Violet's mind was screaming to hug her again. She looked so vulnerable. Violet hated it. Violet couldn't stop processing the words Thea just mindlessly uttered. She felt the same way about working undercover, but she wasn't ready to admit that just yet.

'Is your favourite film still spiderman into the spider-verse?' Thea asked, and now it was Violet's turn to flush slightly, she had admitted to Thea how much of a big comic book nerd she was last night, and Thea encouraged her to talk about it more, which was never the response she got.

'You bet, that film is animation excellence!' Violet nearly shouted the last bit, and Thea only smiled fondly. 'I just ordered the comics so be ready for me to freak out for weeks.' Violet said and Thea's smile grew. Even though they hadn't talked about it, they both knew that this friendship was going to carry on for a long time. Violet found comfort in it.

'I think it's okay, the animation is a bit choppy though.' Thea finally bit into her french toast, and started chewing but Violet just erupted.

'That's the whole point!!' She flung her arms in the air and Thea just carried on chewing, and a small smile plastered on her face. 'I actually planned to go to art-school for years, you know.' Violet said, but lacking the confidence all her words had before. Thea swallowed and raised her eyebrows.

'Really?' Violet could tell that it wasn't a question of disbelief, but of surprise. She didn't know what part Thea was surprised about though.

'Yep, I used to draw like..' Violet paused and added a thick laugh onto her tone 'a lot.'

'Do you have any of your drawings?' Thea asked simply, cutting off another piece of french toast. Violet was not as calm as Thea in this question though, she had never shown someone her art this... intimately. She had shown teachers, college boards, the lot. But she had never shown a friend, and definitely not a friend like Thea.

Violet exhaled and admitted 'I have all of them from when I was fourteen onwards.' Thea's eyes and lips quirked up.

'Hoarder much?' She laughed as she spoke, and Violet relaxed slightly. 'Don't worry I'm the same with all of my soft-ball caps.' Violet smiled, Thea was purposely making an effort to make this easier for her. Thea could sense Violet's discomfort.

'That's cute.' Violet said softy, but Thea just giggled.

'It's not when they are all stuffed into a box under your bed.' Thea stood up and brought her plate to the sink 'Can I see some of your drawings?' Violet felt her muscles contract instantly. She didn't know what to say, her drawings were her drawings, no-one else's. But she wanted to show them to Thea, she wanted to share something so deep and personal the same way Thea had shared her story about Bobby. Her drawings told so many stories that you'd need thousands of hands to hold them all. Some of them were really personal to Violet, and it wasn't like she didn't want to show those, she worried more what would happen if she did.

'You don't have to show me if you don't want to.' Thea watched Violet and talked far quietly than before, even though it was just them, it was like the tone had changed completely. 'I understand how personal art can be.' Violet wanted to hug Thea for what felt like the millionth time.

'No, I want to show you.' Violet finally admitted the truth and Thea smiled back 'Let me just go get them.'

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Won't be able to update this weekend because I have a camping trip Friday, Saturday and Sunday so I'm gonna be dead lol. I'll try and get a chapter of just a dot of paint out tomorrow, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to. Oops. 

As always, Enjoy ya beans!! 

Kate :)