Dead End

CHAPTER 30

1st of January 

When Thea sees the cinema, she feels something grow within her chest. It hurts, but equally, seeing the sign glowing and the door open, makes her smile a little bit. It's bittersweet, because she knows no movies will be on, but she wants to go in anyway. Part of her thinks she'll just get more upset, and the pain in her chest will intensify, but another part of her knows that this has to give her some sort of closure to Bobby. She won't get him back if she keeps on stopping herself from thinking about him. Thinking about him makes her chest hurt more, her heart aches for him. Because she hasn't even let her thoughts wander about him in so long, now that she is, it's like she's filling up. Filling up with pain, and a water that she can feel herself drown in. She's still standing outside the theatre, the door presents itself, but Thea doesn't want to touch it. As much as she's yearned for the past, opening that door would be opening memories she'd tried so hard to repress. She never could repress them though, the same way she can't bring herself to open the door. She stands there for a while, drowning in the water that's filling her up, but also drowning in the light of the cinema. It shields her a bit, from what, she doesn't know. It's been ten minutes, and Thea's only just came to realise how cold it is. It should be snowing, but for some reason there's been less snow than usual, it doesn't coat the streets in the same way as before, instead, it sits there like slodge. Thea hates it, it makes the whole thing feel more depressing, and that's the last thing she needs.

'Excuse me?' Thea hears a soft voice ask. It's a woman, she looks like she's in her forties, but Thea can tell she still wants to hang onto youth by the clothes she wears. Thea remembers the clothes she's wearing, Violet's dress. It smells exactly like Violet, it kills her. Thea doesn't know how to respond, but she just awkwardly tries too.

'Oh, hi.' Thea spits out after a moment, she doesn't feel like speaking. 'Is the cinema open?' She knows it isn't, it's late. But she can tell morning's started to peek through, she can see the post being delivered and some milk man. It reminds her from when she was a kid, she used to be up so early she would see all these things. It felt like a different world, Thea liked it more in comparison to the business Chicago had moulded itself into.

'Yes, a films about to end though. The next one should be in forty mins.' The woman smiles and points towards the wall, where are the schedules are put up. Thea feels like an idiot, she didn't want to ask, but now she had and that made her come off as stupid since the thing was a foot away from her. She was practically standing in front of it.

'Oh thanks, I'll go to that screening.' She knows she won't. She doesn't want to waste seven dollars on a Spanish film with English subtitles. She never liked them, she only saw them because Bobby was learning Spanish at it would help his grade. She did a lot of things only because of Bobby, and that dawned on her in a way it made her stomach curl.

'Great!' The woman looked around for a bit, and then turned back to Thea. She didn't make the silence awkward, Thea could tell that this woman knew how to talk to people well. She assumes that comes with age, since she was still stuck with her blunt and uneasy conversations. 'It's cold out, we have a lounge upstairs, do you want to come inside?' The woman is being really nice, and Thea can tell that this won't be a burden for her. She obviously works for the place too, because she wouldn't be doing this if she didn't.

'Is that alright?' Thea asks politely. She remembers the lounge, it was filled with framed photos of old movies but also had these big pillowy chairs that you could fall into and soak in. She needed that right now. To sit and do nothing, her mind was so uneasy and filled with thoughts that the prospect of just sleeping to anything like that was numbing.

'Don't worry about it! Just go up the stairs on your left.' She smiles, and Thea nods and smiles back gratefully. 'Sorry I have to take this call.' The woman moves to the side of the road, and Thea turns around and walks into the theatre. The door doesn't seem as daunting now, she just needed a push of encouragement, or a reason to go in. Outside was starting to get really cold now. As Thea walks in, she doesn't want to look at anything. She almost fazes her eyes, makes them blurry - like they need glasses or something - then quickly walks through the building to the lounge. As much as she wanted to see everything that used to be so familiar to her; she knows if she does she'll only get upset, and then insomnia will glaze over her like a veil.