WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN?

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WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN?

It's horribly ironic that an addiction

Rehab center is named Suncloud Health.


Have you ever seen a deer brave enough

To jump in front of speeding traffic?


It's eyes go wide and the animal reacts in terror,

Trying to avoid the certain death that awaits it.


That's how it feels to enter Suncloud

Health for the very first time.


When you come to the realization

That maybe this eating disorder thing


Is controlling your life, and you want help,

It overwhelms the entire mind.


The addiction feeds on your life-force,

Begging you not to go because "you're fine, just fine."


Seeing other people on different tracks and different places

In recovery when you feel that recovery


Is simply a made-up word used to lull hopeful addicts

To sleep when their world is crashing down around them


Is like participating in a marathon that you haven't trained for.

You look at the impossible task that awaits you


And wonder where the starting line really is.

How does one even start?


In the interactions with other people,

You're met with an optimism that has


Been absent for so long that it feels like a stranger,

And it adds to that confusion.


Will I ever get to that optimistic place?

Did everyone feel this way at first?

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