Picking Up The Pieces

EVENT #1

EVENT #1

Today, I panicked.

That's not to say that I never panic, because I do.

But today,

I panicked because of you.

The last time we talked was a year ago.

I peacefully lived my life,

Until I found you on campus.

I had no warning.

I looked up, and there you were.

I stuttered out pleasantries, because that's what you're supposed to do.

But on the inside, my cracked heart beat faster,

Decreasing the time until I completely bled out.

I was suddenly hyperaware of everything.

Its like taking cotton out of your ears

and being bombarded with screeching

banshees and howling winds after blissful

quiet and soundless darkness was all you knew.

t's been awhile now, and my heart still races.

It took me 4 years to be able to listen

to one of my favorite bands again.

The association I had between you and them

was astounding. Flashback after flashback

made themselves known,

and I'd cling to my seat in terror as I

waited for them to finish.

But now, even their new music is

tinged with the aftertaste of you.

I still have a hard time trusting.

The walls around my heart are built up,

higher, higher, higher than the Sears Tower,

All because of you.

As I stand at the top of my brick walls,

I see that what was once a proud city

is now a desolate wasteland. My heartstrings

are cracked in some places, showing definite wear.

The fence around the city is gone.

Right in the heart of the city is a memory that will

stick with me forever. One that

I want to drown in my sorrow for eternity.

I never used to call myself a survivor.

Just someone who was. Who used to be.

A shell.

Your violation of the trust I had is all that matters now.

People always wonder why I don't like public restrooms.

I tell them it's because they're not clean,

But really, it's because of you.

The invasion of space you initiated

Ended with me staring at a mirror,

Leaving my 15-year-old body to not feel

Your lips on my hot skin after I said no.

Many years have passed since that eventful day,

And I finally have words again.

I am a survivor.

I am strong.

Today, I panicked.

Tomorrow, I will be calm.