My Feelings..

Friends..

Sometimes people we have never met or known provide us more comfort than people we have known for years..

-Jazz

(So I don't know from where to begin. I broke down today just thinking about my life the place where I am in, the condition I am in today. Honestly I never knew when it all began but this is the place where I landed in. My condition gets really worse these days. Is it being selfish that I want my friends to be safe and not suffer like me. None of us wanted this kind of life we are living. It has now been more than one year since I discovered that I am suffering through anxiety and depression. Last year in April I just wanted to leave this world but still I am here. I sometimes think that why didn't I just left that time and chose to live the answer is that I was such a weak person that I couldn't even do that. I am so weak.... now even if I want to leave I won't be able to coz u all r so imp to me. I wouldn't want to leave u to see u all break even further (maybe it is just an excuse I am making to myself.) But still I would say that if I ever left for some reason always remember that I will always look out for u I will still stay with u all. I love....and...care...for.... you....all...so...much... it is good that u all can't see me rn coz u would not want to see me crying. I became such a person.....not good for anything.....just a vulnerable......pathetic....girl.... Pls... forgive..... me...for being such a person. I wish I could had been able to change myself. I want to get better but don't know how or if I will be able to. People have expectations from me I fear that I will fail them..... they can see a strong girl who has dreams and is happy but what am I? just a girl suffering from these illnesses, a girl who can't even pull herself out of her depression. Ik that I need to tell someone in my real life about my condition but I won't do it coz I tried it once and it turned out very bad for me. I don't mean anything...... I am sorry if I hurt u in any way....I am sorry that I existed.... U all deserve a better life.... I love u all...)

( This chp is specially dedicated to my precious friends who mean so much to me but I won't be ever enough for them. I want to hug u all so tight and tell u that how much imp u all r for me, how much I care for u all. The above para is for u all it is what I want to say to u all. Always be safe in some or the other way I will be with u. I can't dedicated the chp to more than one person so i will just tag u all Awkward-And Proud-,melle107, Winter319, blythe270, MaggyLegarde. Thanks for coming in my life even after knowing that I am a mess and always supporting me, well ik that Flo u or if it is Chan won't respond again just like before but I am still thankful to 2 too. Also my other lovely readers always rem that thr is someone in this world to whom u mean a lot, who loves u a lot, they will be thr for u. Also I care for u all too tho I don't know or talk to u but u r a precious human and deserve a lot for than u r having rn. Bye I would take my leave now. Sry for writing this all. Idk how many will read till the end but thanks for reading till last <3)