The Diavoli Forti

Chapter 18: What has been done..

      "Thank you for your generosity in welcoming us here and hearing an old friend out. It is time for us to go."
JR stands up and shakes Mr. Dexington's hand. He keeps his composure.
Mr. Dexington returns the hand shake, "I'm sorry for the circumstances."
I get up and follow JR out of the room. All of our things were already packed in our suitcases and the men were already piling them in our cars for us. Tony must have packed them for us. I see Tony waiting in the driver seat of the car. He was just staring out of the window. I could see the anger in his face from all the way in here. I walk outside to the car and was about to get in when Max grabs my arm.

"You really think that's a good idea McKenna?"

I reluctantly look back at my hand resting on the handle. Then into the window of the car where I could see Tony not budging or even glancing at me.

"Why don't you ride with me? Let's talk." JR forces a reassuring smile and directs his hand to his car.

I take a deep breath walking over to him and get in. JR slides in next to me. The back seat is huge. It could fit an entire football team. He begins pouring a glass of scotch from the mini bar inside. The car starts driving and JR sits there silently sipping his drink. The silence goes on for a good 45 minutes.

I finally decide to speak. As my father, he needed to hear what I had to say, and not as the leader of the Diavoli Forti.

"I know you're mad at me. You have every right to be, but don't be mad at Tony. I pursued him. He didn't want to. He didn't want to do anything that would risk the trust you have built in him. Tony's a good man, he's an honest man. It took me awhile to see that but that's because I didn't know him. I've seen a side of him no else has seen though. I see the good in him. I see how serious he is about the things in his life. When I'm with him, I finally feel like I'm living. If you care about me at all, you will accept that."

JR leans forward and grabs my hand to cup it in his.

"McKenna, I'm not mad. A tad humiliated I found out that way. Even a little irritated that you went to visit that man at the prison without consulting me first, but not mad. I'm sort of..proud of you. You've come to accept yourself and believe you can do things you used to think you could never do. You went to that prison to defend and take a stand for something or someone you believed in. That shows honor. Your heart is kind and pure, I want to keep it that way. I want you to accept where you came from but never change who you are. I know Tony encourages you in a positive way. It is a little weird for me, but I can see what he finds so alluring about you. I'm proud to have you as a daughter. If I had to trust any man in this world with my daughter, it would definitely be Tony. It's just weird to think of you as grown up now and not that same little girl who wore her blue sparkly princess dress everywhere with juice stains on it because she refused to let us wash it."

I begin to laugh in between the tears pouring out of my eyes.

"You'll never know how much I regret missing out on your life. This is the only life I've ever known though. You're Grandma Ruby loves to deny it but your grandfather was one of us too. One of the originals. I had one door open in my life and I was being subtly pushed into it. Then when I lost your mother it was too much... she was the only normal and good thing in my life. I looked at you and thought, how do I do this? Be a father, what if I screw up? So, I just gave up. I let Leon raise you. He was smart to get out while he could and build a life the correct way."

Tears start forming in his eyes, "...but I want you to know, not a day went by that I didn't think about you. That I didn't think about your first days of school, your first sleepover, your birthday parties, your first car, your first date, your first kiss, your high school graduation..."

It was in that moment for the first time I could see JR as a father. I wipe tears from my eyes. I kept trying to find the words to say.

"I love you McKenna. I know you may not be able to say the same because you don't know me that well. I hope that someday you can though. I envy Tony to get to feel the love that I've missed out on."

I give him a gentle smile and lay my head on his shoulder. I feel him flinch. I remembered that he was a man of very little contact and emotion. He didn't budge though, or let me know he was uncomfortable.

"I wouldn't start planning a wedding yet. You know Tony's not that kind of guy. The word love makes him break out in hives. Anyways, I don't think he's ever going to speak to me again..."

"People change for the right reasons and if he doesn't, then he's a fool."

The entire ride I could only think of Tony. How would I approach him? Should I let him come to me?

Before I knew it we were at the entrance of the mansion. The car descends down the long bumpy drive covered by the woods. I was actually relieved to see the mansion. The driver parks the car and before we could even get out I see Tony already unloading the trunks. He was tossing suitcases on the ground. I walk over to grab my bag. He doesn't even give me a glance.

"Tony, can we talk?"

He slams the trunk shut and pushes past me with his shoulder. I wince from the blow. My face falls. I couldn't believe he just did that. Max is watching my reactions intently. He walks over and puts his hand on my shoulder. I wipe the tears from my eyes trying to hide them. JR pats me on the back and follows behind Tony inside.

This has officially been the worst birthday I have ever had.

Jonathan comes galloping out the door, "About time. What's up Tony's ass?"

"Don't ask." Steve interjects grabbing JR's bags and following inside.

Max grabs my suitcase, "Wanna take a walk?"

I nod my head yes.

"Here take this in for her." Max hands my bag to Jonathan.

We begin to walk past the back porch down the little dirt walkway leading to the lake surrounded by woods. We reach the lake and Max sits on the ground next to it and starts to pick up rocks and throwing them in the water.

"Sit. Let's talk."

I take a seat next to him. The sun was beginning to set as its bright colors gleamed off the lake.

"Talking isn't going to fix anything. I shouldn't have gone, or I should have told him. I wasn't thinking about the dangers. I'm not supposed to be here. you're right about that."

He looks at me stunned for a moment, "I guess you heard that part of the conversation last night? I didn't mean it. McKenna, you didn't do anything wrong. You had heartfelt intentions in mind. Tony has just never known love. He's never seen it, never felt it, and never had the chance to understand it. His life went down a different path then everyone else's. That makes him tend to overthink, overreact, and misunderstand when someone is truly trying to do something out of their heart for him. It's not that he doesn't trust you and is angry at you, he is angry at himself and at his heart for not knowing how to react. He cares about you. I see it. Just in the almost month you have been here, Tony has become a different man. I've never seen him so protective and so free with himself like he has been with you. It's just never been Tony. Hell, you're changing all of us in your own way. Giving us an outsiders look, showing us kindness when others only see danger. You have taught us you can still live this life and not be the devil everyone and even yourself makes you out to be. But, my fear is, he will hurt you. Tony is not something that can be fixed over a short amount of time. He's not like you."

My eyes begin to water. I try to push back the tears. I just stare out onto the lake.

"I don't think my life will ever go back to normal after this. I won't be able to leave this all behind. Everything I've learned about myself and my family, everything I feel... but I also don't know if I will ever truly belong here."