Exerts of a Story I'll Never Write

Rerun

I can't do this anymore, it's all too much for one person and I can't tell anyone about it. Too much, way too much. I can't do this anymore. Living like this isn't something I can do anymore. I hate myself for it and I feel like I could've stopped it, but it's unfolding again. It's going to be so much worse this time and I know too much. I don't want to go on like this anymore... I can barely breathe, I just want to escape. I don't want to be here anymore. All that this is is a toxic wasteland and anywhere you step could set off a nuclear war. I don't want to do this anymore, I can't do this anymore. It's starting to become too much, I want my blade or some pills to take the pain away, even if it's just for a second. I just want it all to stop. Abuse fucking sucks no matter the form, but I can't keep living like this. I just wish it was all over and I didn't have to live through this. I don't know how much longer I can do this... anything anymore honestly. I feel so alone, I'm surrounded by people and yet I'm so lonely. I don't even know what will help anymore. I just want it to end... All the sleepless nughts because I'm too scared to go to sleep. The countless meals that have been skipped since I'm not hungry. The acne breakouts and the picking from stress. The constant air headedness because I'm trapped in my own head amd can't seem to think about anything else. That night that is happening again. I don't feel safe enough to even sleep in my own house. Happiness is just a fake emotion right now until I'm with my guy. He makes me feel safe, I can sleep around him. I never see him though. I'm trapped here in my head and at home. I do so many extra curriculars so I don't have to be home ever. I'd rather spend 12-17 hours at school than at home. I hate it. What my life has become, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm so lost because I'm so scared that I'm going to get hurt every time I go home and my father is there. I don't want to be here anymore. I want it all to stop. I want it all to end. Anything to make it stop. Even if it means hurting the people that I am closest to.