Fifty Shades Of Interracial Love

48.) Don't Leave Me

I watched as the rain fell hard, keeping my forehead pressed up against the window, as I stared blankly into the nighttime. Wes had been driving for hours, going nowhere in particular, but he wasn't complaining. I knew that he was scared, just as much as I was, but I didn't want him to think that he didn't do his job. Leila could've potentially shot me if he hadn't put down his gun, so I guess in a way...he saved me. 

"We're running low on gas, Destiny, so we're going to head back to Escala." Wes said, glancing back at me through the rear view mirror. I didn't respond. I just continued to sit there in a complete daze, thinking of the events that had happened to me since arriving in Seattle. I didn't ask for any of this and yet...I'm the main target in something that had absolutely nothing to do with me. I constantly asked myself was all of this worth it and now that I look back on it...It's not. None of this is worth my life being put in danger and for what? A man, who I had fallen in love with, with a very disturbed past? We all have a past, of course, but we're supposed to learn from it and move on! I've done that, but it's clear that he hasn't.

When we arrived back at Escala, I took a deep breath, climbing out of the car as I held Wynnie close to me. I was exhausted and drained and I wanted nothing more than to go in the house, take a long hot shower, and go to bed; but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I'm sure Christian is up waiting for me right now, preparing to explode the minute I step off of the elevator. 

"Where the fuck have you been?" He asked me, as soon as I walked into the living room. "I told you to come straight here! I've had people out combing the streets looking for you, and as for you two...you're fired!" He pointed at both Wes and Theo, who looked back at him with blank expressions on their faces.

"First of all, slow your roll and back up out my face! Secondly, you can't fire them, Christian! They work for me, not you, and they were just following simple orders!" I snapped at him. "You can excuse yourselves, gentleman. Thank you." They nodded and walked away, while I removed my jacket. 

"I was worried sick about you, Destiny! If I wouldn't have shown up, there's no telling what would've happened to you!"

"I would've been shot and killed, in cold blood, and for what? For loving a man who is actually capable of loving someone back, leaving a string of broken hearts behind, and acting as if it means nothing to him! I could have died tonight, Christian! And that would've been on you!"

"Look...I know she scared you and I am so sorry that you had to go through that, but she's sick and she needs help! They both do, which is why they're at a psych ward getting the help that they need."

"Your dominate side came out when you saw her and I peeped that shit. I'll never be able to give you that type of submissive obedience that you clearly still crave. Yeah, I might allow you to take me into your playroom and have your way with me, but I'd never go as far as you'd want me to." I told him, looking up at him. 

"Destiny..." He began, but I cut him off.

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Destiny please...don't give up on me." 

"What choice do I have?" I cried.

"Don't leave me." He begged, looking me deep in my eyes. I could see the fear in his dark gray eyes and that only made me cry harder.

"Christian..." He dropped down to his knees, kneeling at my feet, as I looked down at him. "What are you doing? No, get up!" He didn't move. He just sat there, sitting in the same position that I used to sit in, whenever we went into his playroom. I dropped down in front of him and grabbed his arms.

"Look at me, Christian. Look at me!" He looked up at me and I could see the tears forming in his eyes, as I took a deep breath. "I know you have certain needs and I wish I could give them to you, but I can't. I can give you only a little bit, but we both know you want more. Sure, you've never pressured me into anything more then what I am comfortable with, but I notice the glee in your eyes when I ask to try out new things. I want nothing more than to make you happy, but we both know that I can't do exactly what you want me to do."

"That's not true." He whispered, shaking his head. "I get off on punishing women. Women who look like..." His voice trailed off as he looked away from me.

"Your mother?" I questioned, finishing his sentence. It was all starting to make sense now. His mom was a pale, blue eyed brunette, just like Ana, Leila, and probably his other former subs. 

"Yes. And I know how fucked up that is, but when I met you...I knew that wasn't what I wanted anymore. You mean more to me then anything else and if I have to give up my role as a sadist, then I'll do that for you. I don't even consider myself a sadist anymore. I don't need the playroom or anything else that comes with it, I just need you." 

"I'm scared, Christian. What if one day you meet a pale, blue eyed, brunette and miss the urge to dominate? Then what? Are you going to cheat on me and pursue her behind my back?"

"No! No, of course not! I only have eyes for you and you only. I know that it seems like I have a type, and at one point...I did, but you are a breath of fresh air. I could never bring myself to cheat on you and when you left me, I swore that I would stop at nothing to get you back. Seeing you tonight, while Leila held that gun to you, my first instinct was to jump in front of you just in case she pulled the trigger." He told me.

"You'd be willing to take a bullet for me?" I questioned.

"I would give up my entire life for you, Destiny. I love you so much and that'll never change, even if you did decide to walk out of my life. How I feel for you will never change." He reached up and wiped my tears away, as I leaned up and kissed his lips. "Just please...please don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere." I straddled his lap, kissing him long and hard, as he held me close to him. I know I said that this relationship wasn't worth it, and I still stand behind that one hundred percent, but when you have something that is worth fight for...could you honestly just walk away from it? I thought that I could, but I can't because I believed that what Christian and I have is real and is worth fighting for. Even if I'm wrong, I was going to take a leap of faith and see for myself, dealing with the consequences if any were to come.

*

It was a little passed three in the morning, and I was still wide awake, staring out at the Seattle view. Christian was knocked out next to me, sleeping without a care in the world. Must be nice. After tonight's events, I don't think I'll ever sleep again, but that's stretching it just a bit I suppose. Climbing out of bed, I headed downstairs to get me something to drink, in hopes that I could find a sleeping pill as well. I needed something to help me fall asleep, so I could forget about Leila and Ana, even if it was only for a few hours. 

Turning on the kitchen light, I opened up the refrigerator, grabbing my apple juice and sitting it down on the counter. I poured me up a small glass, taking a sip, as I started rummaging through the cabinets. 

"Come on...where are the sleeping pills?" I huffed, knowing that I was going to have to invest in some sleeping pills ASAP! I put the juice back into refridgetor, turning off the lights, and heading back upstairs to the bedroom.

"No! No!" I heard Christian mumble, as I saw him stirring around his sleep.

"Hey..." I rushed to his side, sitting down drink down on the bedside table, placing my hands on his face. "Hey, it's okay. I'm right here." His eyes opened as he looked up at me, pulling me into his arms, as he hugged me tight.

"I-I thought you left me." He whispered.

"Of course not. I told you I'm not going anywhere." I said, caressing his cheek. He took a deep breath, slowly closing his eyes one again, as I laid my head against his. "Goodnight babe." I closed my eyes for a brief moment, until I heard Christian mumble something I'm almost certain he didn't mean to say.

"Marry me." 

"Huh?" When he didn't respond, I figured that he was probably dreaming, so I shouldn't read too much into it right? I looked at him, watching as he slept soundly, never removing his arms from around me; as I moved closer to him and closed my eyes, slowly dozing off.