Naked

21 Appearance

I was distracted the entire duration of the meeting as my mind kept wandering off to thoughts I had years to visit. 

Children, marriage, spouse. It would appear that Gerard had managed to strike a nerve in my biological clock that made it beat in a rhythm long forgotten. And unwanted.

I did not want to think about something that I couldn't have. I forbade it to myself a long time ago. Having dreams is a good thing, but let those dreams be something tangible and affordable. In the state I was which was probably for the rest of my life, I could not afford to have children nor a spouse. I was condemned into a solitary life for fear of having everything ripped in a blink of an eye again. I was sure the Colonel would never let me go just like that.

I would forever live in that man's shadow. Was that the punishment I had to suffer for my parent's misdeeds? 

Deep in thought as I was I didn't notice the men dispersing nor did I notice Gerard approaching.

'You did not hear a thing I said did you?' he said calmly. I raised my gaze from the very dirty floorboards to his eyes and I sighed.

'It's not for lack of trying, Gerard.'

He tsked and held my gaze for a moment.

'I did not have you as one to overthink things so much.'

I rolled my eyes and crossed my hands in front of my chest. Understatement of the year...

'I was never one to overthink. Then you came along.'

He sighed moving his head from side to side unable to believe his own thoughts. Frankly, I couldn't even believe my own thoughts and I lived inside my head most of the times.

'Don't do this to yourself. Whatever happened in the past IS the past and it shall remain there.' he placed both hands on my shoulders and locked his gaze with mine.

'I took you. You are not going anywhere but my side.' he nudged my chin slightly and involuntarily I smiled at his antics. The corner of his mouth quirked and his eyes lightened.

'Your past might not come to haunt you, but I cannot guarantee that mine won't.' His face snapped for a moment as if whatever was going through his mind was shattered but he quickly composed himself.

Whatever lightness he had quickly turned to stone and the air around us changed as he clammed up to his old stoic self. The colour draining from his visage and turning black and white as his characteristics turned to their basic static forms.

His mood changed and I sighed in defeat. There was no way to get into that man's mind now.

'I need to send someone to that house again to check if we missed something that could help break Fulton or even find out who he is here with...' he started saying blandly.

'Send me.' I cut him seizing the opportunity to do something useful and to get away from even more awkward situations between us. Maybe some space will clear things out.

'No. That's out of the question. Now listen, I have to leave for a short while and I need you to promise me that you won't be going in the back room.' he tried to keep the tone of his voice even, but I couldn't help but detect something concealed underneath. Worry, maybe?

I narrowed my eyes at him and carefully studied his stony face and for an inexplicable reason, the sight made my heart skip a beat. Heart problems at such a young age...Huh...

'Afraid I might get killed by Fulton?'

He shook his head slightly a very faint exasperated smile on his lips.