Naked

35 Blame it on the cat

Did I say fuck? Because... FUCK!

I yanked on my bound wrists and hissed from the pain. I had managed to chaff them since I had grown impatient waiting for the devil to show himself. The light had died in the room giving me a clear indication that the sun had set and yet the Colonel had not graced me with his existence.

I was starting to get worried.

I assumed that this was a ploy to get me antsy and that I had to keep calm and collected but I couldn't seem to control my heart rate from picking up or my hands to stop shaking.

I tugged on the restraints once again grinding the rope on the wood to tear it. It was a long and tedious process and my whole body started feeling the brunt of immobility. My shoulders were on fire and my neck was hurting like hell, not to mention my arse had seized and gone numb.

What was taking so long?

The plan was in motion, Gerard was in place and even though Wyatt seemed to have seen through me he hadn't done anything too drastic. He didn't lock me up in a cage, he didn't chain me down, he didn't even torture me!

My mind was running in circles and although the first hour I had managed to stay patient and cool-headed that time had long passed. I was panicking slightly and the dark and closed space was not helping me in the least.

I wanted out of there more than I wanted the Colonel dead.

I did not want to confront him weak or fearful but it would seem this old tactic he was using on me was working. I had almost lost my will to face him, the only thing keeping me confident was the knowledge that Gerard was nearby. I could almost feel him channelling his never-ending courage and resolve to balance me just in the right place between anger, frustration and terror.

I was not afraid of the Colonel. I was terrified of him. Men with more meat than me went against him and no one saw them again. What hope did I have against such a beast but my animosity? Would a rancourous feeling be enough to end that man?

Right then I felt inadequate. I could climb on walls and jump from rooftop to rooftop. I could sneak around and pickpocket anyone. I was a master at seeing through almost every deception mask a man wore simply because I had worn it already. But I knew it then.

I could not kill that man.

I might shot, maimed and mutilated people but it was all in self-defence. I had never killed someone in cold blood like I wanted to attempt with the Colonel. Could I do it? No. No matter how fast I got, no matter how strong I knew I was not capable of being that kind of person. I might dream of it, I might wish it but I couldn't do it.

This is not the time to doubt, Foxy! You see him, you kill him! He has to die!

I can't.

Yes! You can! Think of Gerard! He might be a lord and be protected by his minions but so was 

Father! And you don't even know where he's buried! Just do it! And you will be free! Free to roam the country, free to live! Free to marry and start a family! Free to marry Gerard and start a family with him!

Wait! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

Arghhh!

I yanked on the rope and snap! it dropped with a plonk on the dusty floor. This is not the time to be thinking of such things. Was this some forgotten desire that just surfaced? If that was the case it was unwanted in my current situation. If I thought about Gerard and marriage and babies then I would be thinking of the baby-making process.

I grinned. That man had many talents... And one of them was distracting me when he was not even near!

I snapped out of it quickly and stood. My bones cracked loudly and I held in my satisfied groan rejoicing the fact I could move again. I stretched my aching limbs pulling my knuckles and twisting my joints till they too cracked. I finally did my neck before bending over and removed my boots.