Naked

43 Queen of dust

A/n: Only a few chapters left!!! I will probably post them together! Be alert!

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I heard the click in my sleep.

My ear picked up the slight noise as it travelled through the air and ended in my eardrum.

My eyes flew open by instinct, and my body tensed in preparation to lunge at the invader of my cell.

I laid still, my back turned to the door, goosebumps rising on my skin as I felt the person behind me, approach.

Slowly, very slowly I move my hands in better a better position to prepare my self for an attack. I counted the steps I heard him take and when I felt him just a breath away, I jumped to my feet and let loose my fists.

I stumbled and flailed my solid punch never landed on anything. In a stupid move, I knotted my legs together and fell on my hands and knees.

I huffed and puffed and cursed at my stupid predicament getting ready to lunge again at my attacker. When I rose from the floor though and scanned the room for his location I found the room empty of life besides that of my own.

I was alone.

I sat my stupid arse back down on the floor and crossed my legs in front of me. I supported my elbows on my knees and leaned my head on my palms. Exhaustion took over me like a tidal wave and I felt plummeting in a dark place.

'You are stronger than this, Emily.' I heard myself say. I didn't even know what to retort to that.

'You could say a lot of things but none of that will help you survive this.' was my head messing with me?

'It is. You are very skilled in decapitating yourself when you most need your head.' I heard myself again. But since when does my voice sound so hoarse?

'It doesn't. You just always believed you could fit the shoes of a man.' that voice spoke again. I have heard this voice again. I know this voice!

'Indeed.' why did it just sound like it was making fun of me? Who the hell!

I raised my head to scan the room for signs of life only to find myself faced with the impossible. But here he was. constructed by thin air, looking exactly like the last time I saw him, all dark and gorgeous.

'Gerard.' My voice came out hoarse, almost strangled and I didn't even know how to react or feel at the sight in front of me. I wanted to believe that he was truly there with me but I knew he couldn't be, shouldn't be.

But as I stared at him my heart fluttered and rejoiced at the face I wanted to see. The strong force and unyielding power that only that man could exude and eradicate all others around him. I needed that strength then and he delivered even in this...whatever it was. He was there with me and that was all that mattered.

'How?' I murmured by the force of, well, habit.

Gerard raised an eyebrow in just that way of his, that told me he thought I was stupid. In a loving way...

'How is your plan panning out, my Em?'

My Em. How long has it been since I last heard it. And will I hear it ever again from his actual mouth this time?

'Not good enough.' I mumbled and picked at my worn trousers.

'I came face to face with the Colonel and I passed out. And on top of that, I pissed my pants. And Wyatt sort of kidnapped me. I don't know what to do anymore.' I wailed and plunged my fingers in my hair trying to pull them out.

'We had discussed this could happen. We had gone together through every possible way this plan of yours was going to work. Did you forget everything?' he asked again in that calm, sure tone of his and I just huffed frustrated before looking at him again. I felt tears start brimming my eyes.

'I hadn't realised it was going to be this difficult. I thought I had the strength...' I sniffled and wiped my eyes 'I thought I was ready to face them. To bring some semblance of peace or vengeance...'

'How are you going to do any of that when you crumble in your mind?'

'I am trying.'

'You are failing. And you know it.'

'SHUT.UP!' I screamed at him. He was the one that wanted me to fight! Now, why would he turn like this?

'You told me to fight! For you, for us!'

He remained the same stoic and expressionless face that I remembered from the first night I met him. Not even my rolling emotions of despair, disappointment and anger seemed to faze him out of that tranquil state. It was obvious he wasn't the real Gerard.

Was that how insanity felt like?

'Fight for you, Emily. Do what you do best. No cage can stop you. No man strong enough to hold you. No lord smart enough to find you.'

Hot tears ran down my cheeks in rivers of salty water as the cogs in my head started turning once again upon hearing his words. Those weren't Gerard's words. They were someone else's.

A person I never thought would come in what appeared to be my darkest hour. The two men that in the shortest amount of time in my life had managed to sway me out of Lynette's plan. The two men that had scared me in the most beautiful ways ever.

One that had opened my heart and the other who stole it.

I shook my head, contemplating what had I done wrong. What had I done to deserve this?

It was easy enough to answer. I had submitted and I had crumbled to the will of others until I became what they wanted me to. Alone, forgotten, terrified. And here I sat in my throne of dust and memories. The only thing that I had truly left was that.

What had I done to my life? What had I allowed myself to become?

'Remember the chess, Emily.' I heard Gerard say and my turning head just looked at him. 

Straight into that blue abyss, I knew I would find an exit.

'Don't be a pawn and be restricted. Be the Queen and if you can play your part right...' he drilled holes into me as if I didn't understand my thoughts 'you win.'