Sorry If I Disappoint You

7 - August

"These are the last decent pool days you know. It's almost winter," Nic said as he fished leaves out of his pool. I was hypnotized by the rhythm of him skimming the pool net back and forth atop the water. I drank in the last of his tan and hard, but not overly muscled body because he was right, it was almost winter. And winter meant clothes. Then my eyes wandered to his face. That sweet, but serious face that held the most caring hazel eyes and and the most sincere smile. His bangs flopped into his face, heavy with sweat from the exertion from cleaning the pool. My eyes followed him. I was beyond thankful for my dark glasses and the magazine I was pretending to read for not blowing my cover. I was fully aware of the dangerous territory my feelings for Nic were playing in, but they were on a mission and refused to listen to reason. I was falling hard and fast- the surest route to injury.

"August did you hear me?" Nic pushed my sunglasses into my hair and waved his hands in my face, as if to check if I was alive.

"Yeah, of course, duh." I answered nervously, with a dismissive hand wave, even though I hadn't heard a word since the comment about the weather. He didn't buy it.

"You are quite possibly the worst liar I've ever met, Miss Alis. Anyway, I said the pool is ready for splishin' n' splashin'." I held my hand out for him to help me from the lawn chair I'd been nesting in, only to be lifted newlywed style, and carried to the pool steps. I couldn't hold back the giggle that tickled at my throat, which seemed to make Nic happy.

It was Nic who taught me how to swim that same summer we first met, and the way he drifted me around the pool brought back great memories of winning races and horrible ones of almost drowning. I spread my arms and helped to propel us around the bean-shaped pool.

"August-" Nic started. I didn't realized I had closed my eyes until he called me, and when I opened them I was startled by the passion with which Nic was staring at me. He was going to bring it up. I wanted to talk about it...so why was I so scared? "August. Listen. I-"

"Come inside and get some food kids!" Mrs. Deidrick called out the kitchen window. Of course we get interrupted. How cliché. I thought, squeezing my eyes closed in a strange mix of annoyance and relief. Maybe it just wasn't time yet.

Mr and Mrs Deidrick were supposed to be in the middle of a divorce, but he still came over for lunch anytime Mrs D cooked up her amazing homemade burgers. I doubted they would end up going through with it. They were still obviously so in love.

"Mrs D, I'll never get over these burgers. You'll have to teach me the recipe so I can impress my college friends."

"Oh, you're too kind as always kiddo," she said with an affectionate squeeze of my hand, "sure! I'll write it down and stash it with Dominic's things... How is that working out for you two by the way? Going away to college that is"  Always the instigator, Miriam. I said to myself.

"I was thinking the same thing," Mr Deidrick added as he sat up in his seat, bracing for excitement.

"We applied to a lot of the same schools- all three of us- but getting into the same schools is a different story." said Nic

"If you do get into the same school would you go together?" Mr Deidrick's eyebrows shot up as Mrs D asked, as if it were the most intriguing question that ever was asked.

"I don't see why not," I answered. My phone mercifully rang and saved us from the direction that the conversation was headed. It seemed like it was the day to question relationship statuses. I looked at the caller ID and couldn't hold back the smile. I looked around the table to ask to be excused, and felt my heart sink when Nic looked away from me. He probably saw the caller ID too.

"This is a surprise," I told Matthew, my sometimes-when-he-felt-I-was-worth-it boyfriend. "Aren't we on a break?" I hated the concept of taking breaks in a relationship but Matthew was very skilled in the art of Getting His Way, and so I had conceded.

"We are, but I missed your voice September." For some reason he found it funny to call me by all the other months except August. "Do you want to hangout later?" I glanced over my shoulder at the Deidrick's and caught Nic blanked out while his parents tried to pull him back into the discussion they started when I got up. He was mad at me. He tried for months to get me to see that Matthew was a parasite, but I was stubborn, and Matthew was very good at making feel like I wanted to stay. "I really miss you June...and something else misses you too."  Then he chuckled as if what he said was ok.

It was like a slap to the face.

"Ah so you want me to come over to have sex. You aren't trying to get back together." I turned sharply and headed towards the door.

"Well...yeah..."

"Listen to me you lowlife, I was supposed to be your girlfriend but it turns out I was just a a real life version of your gross blow up dolls-"

"You're not gross April!"

"I stuck up for you when everyone around me said you were shit, you know. Fuck you and your smelly foreskin, Matthew." I ended the call and immediately blocked and deleted him from everywhere his presence was on my phone. One angry tear landed in the middle of my phone screen.

"His foreskin was smelly?" Nic said with mock-concern.

"Don't tease me please. My ego can't take another beating. I'm such a loser." More angry tears on my phone screen.

"Don't waste your tears on that asshole August, " he sat on the ground beside me and took my hand. "and he's the real loser here. I doubt he realizes what he just lost." And it wasn't a line to ensure his position in the rebound. Nic meant it.

"I should have listened to you. And Julie. I don't know how it didn't hit me when she said something."

"Well you listened, finally. Just please don't go back to Smelly Foreskin's house." I smiled and he put my head on his shoulder and pulled me close.

"I won't."

"Now August, I don't want you to think I'm being insensitive, but I really have to talk to you."

"... Okay," I said skeptically.

"Just hear me out first," he continued.

"Okay," I said again, in what I hoped was a more reassuring tone.

"August, I don't know if you know this, but I'm in love with you. And I could tell you all the reasons why and all the things I love about you, but it's a long list and I'm trying to be concise right now. It pained me to see you hurting over that guy. He didn't deserve you in the first place, and on top of that he treated you like shit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to be with you, and love you and protect you and make you feel as special as you are... I'm rambling now, but August, I love you and I need you to know that."