Sorry If I Disappoint You

14 - Nic

As expected, August's extreme selflessness was hurting out relationship. She tried so hard, but her guilt, as predicted by Julie, was making it hard for her. I didn't push too hard because I understood. But I missed us as a couple. I missed holding her hand without her pulling away and kissing her without her bursting into tears. It even had her second guessing going to college with me. For the first time in my life I wasn't sure how to fix something.

"Don't force yourself, love. It will only make you sick," I said to her after my heart sank watching August force feed herself a tuna wrap. She smiled apologetically, and I reached to hold her hand to comfort her, but as was the norm of late, she flinched away.

"Why are you still trying with me Nic?" I couldn't hide my confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I know I'm being unforgivably cold. Any guy would have given up by now." she folded her arms on the table and dropped her head in the centre.

"Because I understand why you're feeling the way you are towards me right now. And because I still have hope that things will get better." I lifted her head out of its cradle and held her gaze. "And because I love you, August."

"Even though it doesn't show, I love you too Nic." and she kissed me for the first time in what felt like years, which only made me break out in an ear-to-ear grin.

August giggled. "You are such a loser, Nic Deidrick."

The bell rang signalling the end of lunch, and the last session August and I had together for the day.

"What class do you have now, again?" She asked

"Computer Science...with Julie."

"Okay. I'll see you after school, Dom. Tell me if anything...interesting happens." she tipped up to kiss me on the cheek, and I smiled as she waved me goodbye and shuffled to her next class. I was hypnotized by the way her hips swayed in her skirt when I was thumped on the head by Kevin Longmore who was in my Com Sci class.

"I'd be late for class everyday if my girlfriend had an ass like that," he ran his hands through his hair as he watched August walk. I punched him hard on the shoulder, satisfied by the profanity it caused him to yell. "I was joking man. Come on let's go."

***

"... And now for everybody's favourite thing; a group assignment!" Mrs. Pearson said with mock enthusiasm, and a lackluster wave of her arms to punctuate. "No, no. I will be choosing the pairs,"  she added when people started shuffling over to their friends.

" Dominic Deidrick ... I'll pair you with Miss Stock over here." Julie stood to protest, only to be shot down by a finger directing her to the empty chair beside me. "No reassignments, people."

"Of course. My lucky fucking day," Julie said under her breath.

"Hi," I muttered when she sat down.

"Don't talk to me. Just do your part."

"You know me. I'm going to talk to you anyway." I turned in my seat to face her directly. Julie didn't like being stared at.

"What do you want from me?" She shout-whispered, her teeth ferociously bared.

"I just want us to be friends again. I'm purposely not saying 'get back to how we used to be' because I know that would be implausible." Julie squinted her eyes at me as if to say You're joking right? Her face fell in defeat and she looked about ready to cave, and I was on the verge of rejoicing. Then the stony expression that has claimed her face since her birthday returned.

"Pass. " Julie started to get up. "Give me your part tomorrow in class and I'll fit it together."

"Julie, I miss you." I slammed my hand on the books she huddled to her chest, forcing her back into her seat. "I miss you. I miss the atmosphere you bring with you. Everything just feels lacking without you, Juliet. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry for hurting you-"  My speech was interrupted by Ms. Pearson clearing her throat.

"You can settle your domestic issues outside, you two."

I coaxed Julie into going outside.

"I was saying that I'm sorry-"

"Nic, I don't know if I can be friends with you and August now that I know there was never a chance for me. I don't think I could look at either of you and not feel like bursting with anger and jealousy. I don't think carrying on like we used to would be healthy for any of us.

I'm not mad anymore. I'm just trying to be practical for once in my life. Think about it; you don't think it's going to be awkward at all? With me trying not to look and you trying not to shove your relationship down my throat? We used to cuddle and watch movies on her bed. We had a threesome for crying out loud, Nic. And to be honest, I think August is relieved because she knows she'll be awful at the "being considerate" part. Our relationship has reached its expiration date. We had a good run. And now you have your dream girl. You'll just have to find a way to live without me." She took a deep breath as if she was hearing her thoughts for the first times and had to soak it in. She smiled sadly, kissed me on the cheek and walked away. And for second time that day I was hypnotized by a pair of hips.