Kidnapping Sophie

Nothing is what is seems

Song: Figure it out by Faith Marie

The voices are usually always right. Just like now...I'm still here and the doctors and nurses refuse to let me loose. They say it is only to protect me and it may so that I can't physically hurt myself but that is not going to stop the voices. Emily and Ava have been very quite the past few days however the dark shadow lurks in the room. He keeps reminding me that I am nothing...worthless...a joke to society. He keeps warning me that when I get out he will still be there and he will find away to help me end my pain.

I have requested ear buds but they are afraid that I will strangle myself with the cord...hell maybe I would try to find a way, I don't know. I just want to tune him out. I want him to go away.

A week passes and I have been given a new medication...it is finally kicking in, so much that I am in one of those states...like I don't exist...you know what I mean...I'm so zoned out the building could crumble around me and I wouldn't even notice. Ok maybe I would...however there would be nothing I could do about it because the meds control my body...not me.

The nurses came in and they want me to get up and start moving. They get on each side of me and help me up out of the bed and into the wheel chair. I tense up because so much pain radiates through my body. I never thought jumping would have caused me this much pain. If only I had landed right, I wouldn't even be here.

The good thing about this new medication...is that I don't hear him. Hell I don't hear anything, not even Emily and Ava. My body sits in the wheel chair...but my soul is missing...there is no life inside of me. I don't know how else to explain it. It's my body...and it's breathing in and out and pumping blood to my heart...but other than that nothing.

This is worse than feeling like a zombie. At least then I heard them...I felt things...

I'm wheeled to some room out in the open. I guess they assume I need social interaction. Like that is going to help. I watch my mom walk in and over towards me. I see her lips moving but her words are all jumbled up and I can't make out what she is saying. So she snaps her fingers in front of me trying to get my attention. Oh mother...I see you...I do...I just can't get up the energy to process anything that you are saying to me.

"Sophie...Sophie...hello." Snap...snap... her fingers snapping rapidly in front of me with her waving arms like all of that is going to make a difference. "Sophie...honey...snap out of it." Snap...snap...snap...

My body...breathes in and out. It seems like it would take a lot more effort to do so but it doesn't. It does it all on its own...just like my heart...beating...pumping the blood through my veins...I will it all to stop but I have no control of that. I watch her turn away from me to go find a nurse...a doctor...someone that will see what is wrong with me. Always wanting to fix me...should I tell her that, that is not possible. You can't fix me...no one can. Except him....the dark shadow and I haven't even seen him in the past few days.

These pills...funny how two pills two times a day can fuck you up this way. When my mom comes back over to me she has a nurse with her. Of course she checks to make sure that I am alright. She picks up my arm and I try to fight away...I want to fight away, but I have no control over my body movements. I am like a rag doll...toss me this way and that way it doesn't matter my body is not responding. I see my mom throw her hands up in the air.

 I know she is complaining about my condition. Her voice is powerful and it echoes over and over the same words like I am stuck inside a tunnel. Something about my daughter is not well...well...well...this is not my daughter...not...not...my daughter, daughter...what have you done to her...done to her...done to her... The nurse's voice is the same...god I wish they would just shut up. They make my head hurt and all I can do is stare out into space...like I am not even there.