Behind The Lies | yoonmin

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 10:

"Yoongi..." I called out his name, "Sometimes, I envy you. You don't really care about alot of things. You care less about the world around you... and I care too much. Akala ko mabuting kambal ako sayo pero iniwan kita nung kailangan mo ng kasama. Nung kailangan mo ako."

"I thought of you every single day when we were not together. When I was working to pay for our debts while you were studying and grieving from Eunice's death. I never understood why you can't leave her. Why you can't forget her."

I looked up to the sky and hoped that he will hear me, "Now I know why."

Napatingin ako sa tabi ko at nakita ko si Mama. Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Simula nung nilibing si Yoongi, wala akong ibang pinuntahan kundi itong libingan niya.

Hindi ako nakakakain. Hindi ako nakakatulog. Wala akong kinakausap na kahit sino. Kahit pa yung boss ko o si Alys. I feel... empty. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to be with my brother.

"Let's go home. Malapit na maggabi." Sabi ni Mama. Tinignan ko ulit yung lapida ni Yoongi bago tumayo at sumama kay Mama pauwi sa bahay.

Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi umiyak sa kwarto. Alam kong nababahala na sila Mama at Papa sa inaasal ko pero this is the only way that I know to ease the pain.

This is what Yoongi felt when he lost Eunice that I never understood until I lost him. Until I lost my other half. I did not just lose a brother. I lost my bestfriend, my family and myself.

"We're going back." Sabi ni Papa sakin habang kumakain kami ng hapunan. Tinignan ko siya at wala akong sinabi. Hindi naman nila ako makausap ng maayos kaya hindi na nila ako kinulit pa.

I went to Yoongi's grave the next day and stayed there for hours until it became dark. Umuwi ako sa bahay at nakita ko si Mama na hawak hawak yung picture ni Yoongi habang natutulog sa sofa.

Kinuha ko yung picture ni Yoongi sa kamay niya at hinalikan siya sa noo. Pinatong ko yung picture ni Yoongi sa tabi ng tv bago ako umakyat sa kwarto.

Ilang araw yung lumipas at kailangan na naming bumalik sa New York. Nag-aayos ako ng maleta at nakita ko yung phone ko. Hindi ko siya ginamit simula nung mawala si Yoongi dahil ayaw kong may kumausap sakin.

Umupo ako sa kama at chinarge yung phone ko. Nagbukas 'yon at meron akong 100+ messages at calls galing sa iba't ibang tao na nakikiramay sakin. Wala akong binasa o sinagot kahit isa.

Nakita ko yung file ng kanta ni Jimin. Umupo ako sa upuan at binuksan yung bintana na malapit dito bago ko pinindot yung file. Nakatingin lang ako sa langit habang pinapakinggan si Jimin kumanta.

"Do you really want me to do this?" Tanong ko, "Do I really want to do this?" Pagtatama ko sa sarili kong tanong.

There is a part of me that doesn't want to do Yoongi's wish. I am Suga not Yoongi. I can't fool anyone. I don't want that.

But there is a part of me that wants to know who Jimin is. Why does Yoongi love him so much? Why am I feeling this way everytime I hear his song? Who is he?

Puro ako tanong pero hindi ko alam kung gusto ko bang malaman yung sagot.

I am torn between yes and no. I am torn between the truth and lie.

We left Korea that night. The long hours of sitting in the plane felt like minutes because I was spaced out the whole trip.

Kakagising ko lang at halos tanghali na. Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nakita ko si Gabrielle sa harapan ko. Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit at sinara niya yung pintuan.