Before Anything Else (Absinthe Series 2)

Kabanata 26

Kabanata 26

Before Anything Else

The wind blew hard as well as the painful words. Sa pagdaan ng minuto ay tila hindi ko pa rin matanggap ang nangyari. Here comes the truth and indeed it hurt me. Ang totoo kong pagkatao ay higit pa sa inaasahan ko. I thought it would somehow give me a light feeling, knowing ths truth. Ngunit talagang dapat ng asahan ang mga bagay na hindi inaasahan.

" He was under the influence of drugs when he shot your mother. You were a month old. Si Tito ay bagong labas lang din sa kulungan when that happened. Things happened so fast and your father was sentenced to life. My mother had lost contact to everyone including tita Circe after what happened. Basta ang alam ni Mommy naiwan ka sa puder ni Tita Circe."

" My mother hates me…" I told her. Tumango sa akin si Snow at malungkot na ngumiti.

" Tito Tennesee wanted to keep you as Tita Myrtle's memory. Ang alam ko ay talagang mahal ng Daddy mo si Tita Myrtle kaya galit din si Tita Circe sa kaniya."

Tumango ako. I now know why she loathed me. Sabi niya ay kamukhang-kamukha ko ang aking ina and even daddy, sinabi na rin ni Daddy sa akin iyon. Napayuko ako at naramdaman ang mainit na likido sa aking pisngi. Agad ko iyong pinawi at napatingin sa gawi ni ni Snow. She was watching me.

" So you're my cousin, sa father side?" tanong ko.

" Yes. Alam ko mahirap tanggapin but my mom wanted to meet you. Ilang taon ka namin hinanap dahil si Tita Circe ay bigla na lang naglaho. Ten years ago, we found out that you went back here in the country. Doon ko sinimulang hanapin ka sa tulong ng aking pinsan. You know Eion, right?" ngumiti siya.

My heart hammered at the mention of his name. Oh god, Eion. I had come to a realization that all these years he was just helping her to find me and…

" I'm sorry for that awful December night. Noong umagang iyon ay sinubukan kang tawagan ni Eion but you're out of reach. Your cousins also went to your unit to search for you. I know it must have been a bad time for you, Forah.Kahit sa amin ay tila nawalan na rin kami ng pag-asa na makita ka ulit but I've never stopped looking for you."

" Hindi ko alam at nagpadalos-dalos ako noon. I thought you and Eion…" napahilamos ako sa mukha. I hurt him! I hurt Eion! Ngayon ay pakiramdam ko binaliktad ako ng mundo. The blame has been pointed on me even though the fact still stands that Eion had used me for something. But still, nagpadalos-dalos rin ako sa aking desisyon at hindi na nagpakita sa kaniya para sa kaniyang paliwanag.

Snow reached out her hand for me. Hinawakan niya ang isa kong kamay na nasa mesa at bahagyang pinisil iyon. " I've watched him cry for you and I've never seen him that way. Ayaw ko namang isisi ang lahat sa'yo kasi pakiramdam ko may malalim na dahilan kung bakit ka umalis and I was right. I am sorry if it took me too long to talk and tell you the truth."

Nagsipatakan ang aking mga luha. I couldn't stop crying as I felt the multiple stabs on my heart. Six years and I was blinded. Hindi ko talaga alam and even if I knew, matatanggap ko ba talaga? He used me and I don't know if I should believe him.

" I am sorry. I'm sorry. Hindi ko alam." suminok ako at nahirapang umiyak. Snow's face glistened with tears at agad niyang pinahid iyon. She stood up and transferred to my side. Hinaplos niya ang aking balikat at ako'y niyakap.

I kept apologising to Snow and to whomever. Hindi ko alam kung nararamdaman ba ni Eion na nasasaktan ako or I was sorry for what I have done pero sana nga. The pain was like a plague in my system.

Hindi ko alam kung inabot ba ako ng oras sa pag-iyak. Snow had taken me home to Adina's apartment. Kahit malapit lang naman ay ininsist ng aking pinsan na ihatid ako dahil madilim na. Hindi naman siya nagtagal doon kasi kailangan niya na ring magpahinga dahil makakasama sa kaniyang anak.

" Are you okay?" concern na tanong ni Adina sa akin habang nakaupo kaming dalawa sa aking kama.

Napahilamos ako sa mukha. " I don't know what to feel, Ad. Masakit na nalulungkot ako. Nagsisisi rin sa nangyari pero anong magagawa ko? I've hurt people, lalo na si Eion at ang pinsan ko. I don't know what to feel about my father and my mom…" Hindi ko na alam ang iisip o mararamdaman. Halo-halo na ang lahat na hindi ko na maintindihan ang lahat.

Hindi ako makatulog nang gabing iyon. I keep tossing and turning on top of my bed and the image of Eion clouded my mind.

Kumusta na kaya siya? Is he still in the band? Nag-gigitara pa rin ba siya? He loves art and music. I wonder if he's already an engineer.

Malungkot akong ngumiti habang nakatingala sa kisame. I am sure he is successful without me. Kahit pa man noon na wala ako ay alam kong magtatagumpay siya. He could charm every girls and he could find his way to the top with his intelligence. Kailanman ay naaayon kay Eion ang lahat.

I on the other hand had lost my lucky fate. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ko mahahanap ang tunay na kaligayahan. Knowing that I couldn't see or meet my mother pains me. Ang ama ko naman ay hindi ko pa rin matanggap dahil sa kaniyang ginawa sa aking ina. He had shot the love of his life! And I even doubt if he loves her.

Kung tunay ngang mahal niya ang aking ina at nalason siya doon, maybe that wasn't true love. It was obsession. He was obssessed with my mom that he had raped her. At ako ang naging bunga niyon.

Naisip rin ba ng aking ina na isa akong kasalanan katulad ng sinabi ni Mommy noon? My mom said I was her greatest mistake and that after all these years, she couldn't accept me. Iyon pala ang dahilan. Tila nilamukos na naman ulit ang puso ko sa sakit.

My heartaches never end. Kung kailan matagal ko ng kinalimutan ang mga bagay na iyon, may tao namang darating para isiwalat sa akin ang katotohanan. I wanted to thank Snow for she wiped away my confusions. Ngunit napuno naman ako ng pagdadalamhati sa aking ina. I suddenly wanted to see or talk to Snow again about my mom. Bigo naman ako kasi hindi ko nakuha ang kaniyang numero. But I might get a chance tomorrow.

Kinabukasan ay bumalik ako sa MCI para tumulong sa paghahanda para sa graduation. I was assigned to ensure the medals and diplomas of the students. Hindi naman gaano kahirap na trabaho dahil nasimulan naman iyon namin ng mga co-teachers. I was really glad I could help lalo pa't mas lalong dumarami ang mga estudyanteng nag-aaral sa MCI.

That afternoon, I saw Snow's black SUV in front of the school. Alam kong sa kaniya iyon dahil inalalayan ako ng kaniyang driver papasok ng sasakyan. Day by day, my cousin was glowing and I could actually see our resemblance. No doubt that I had inherited my chocolate brown eyes and shape of the face from the Garcia's.

" Kailan ka babalik ng Maynila?" tanong ko kay Snow habang nanananghalian kami sa tabing dagat. The air was warm and the humidity was perfect for a lunch by the shore.

Natigilan ang aking pinsan sa tanong na iyon. She stared at me as if she was contemplating to answer.

" I promised my Mom that I will bring you once I get back, Forah." aniya at iniwas ang tingin sa akin.

Alam ni Snow na hindi ako aalis kaya nagdadalawang-isip siya sa sasabihin. I have grown fond of Marina and I fell in love with the place kaya mahirap ring iwan. Nandito na rin ang buhay ko at kung ipapalit ko ito sa buhay sa Maynila… hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang madadatnan ko doon.

" Alam ko na ayaw mong sumama sa akin and I respect your decision. Ang sa akin lang ay baka gusto mo ring makilala ang ating angkan. I am sure my mother would be so happy to see you." Snow's eyes were hopeful. I felt my heart dropped just by staring at her.

" I'd be thrilled to meet her too, Snow. Pero hindi ko kayang iwan ang buhay ko dito at isa pa hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ang bumalik."

Malungkot siyang ngumiti. " I am afraid I couldn't visit you on the coming months. Pinagbigyan lang ako ulit ng asawa ko dahil pakiramdam niya'y sigurado ako sa lugar na ito. He was right, though."

" I hope I could be there kapag nanganak ka na, Snow." ngumiti ako.

" You can, Forah. May iilang buwan pa naman at sana magbago pa ang isip mo. I can't wait for you to meet my child."

I giggled. Snow was already six months pregnant and yet hindi gaanong malaki ang kaniyang tiyan kumpara sa iilang buntis. She was extra careful at alam kong sensitibo ang mga panahong ito sa kaniya. Kahit na ganito ang sitwasyon, heto siya at hinanap pa rin ako. She was lucky to find me here. At nagpapasalamat ako sa Panginoon na hindi niya pinabayaan ang pinsan ko at muli akong itinuro sa kaniya.