Before Anything Else (Absinthe Series 2)

Kabanata 30

Kabanata 30

Before Anything Else

Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakaalis sa lugar na iyon. God forbid but I don't want to go back in there and just act normal. Everything was a lie. Ang buong buhay ko ay isang kasinungalingan! How could someone do that to a person like me? Wala akong ginawa buong buhay ko kundi ang mahalin at tanggapin sila. I have accepted the fact that my mother loved me less than my brother. Na ang tanging sandalan ko noon ay si Daddy ngunit ngayon… sino na ang sasandalan ko?

My parents lied to me, my cousin happens to be in love with me and my friend whom I treat as a family betrayed me just so she could have her revenge with my cousin! Tangina! Wala na bang mas ikasasama pa ang buhay kong ito?

Faigel tried to warn me about Eion! Ngunit bakit galit na galit siya dito? Is it because Eion got me while he did not? o baka may mas malalim pang dahilan?

No matter the answers are, I still don't care. Ang importante ay nalaman ko ang totoo at wala na dapat akong pagkatiwalaan pa ni-isa sa kanila.

Pinalis ko ang luhang tumulo sa aking pisngi. I took a ride from Cavite to Manila. Sinubukan akong harangin ni Ava sa pinto nang papaalis ako. I did not told her that I was going to go back to Manila. Hindi ko kaya. Knowing that she was not my cousin pains me. Nasasaktan ako kasi wala rin siyang kaalam-alam sa lahat. But I love her kahit anong mangyari ay mahal ko ang pinsan ko and this situation was making it hard for me to choose.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Alam kong kapag pumunta ako sa aming condo ay wala doon si Eve at baka maging safe ako doon. Pero hindi ako panatag na hindi ako masasaktan kapag pumasok na. Our unit holds to many memories of the two of us. It felt real not until she chose to betray me and hurt Faigel.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kasakit ang dinanas niya para lamang saktan ako. Everly was selfish. After all this time, tanging sarili niya lamang ang iniisip niya. She did not value everything that we had. She was nonetheless a nobody to me.

I sighed. Tiningala ko ang condo building sa aking harapan. The taxi just dropped me off and I didn't know my words would take me to this place. Hindi ko alam kung narito si Eion dahil nga bisperas rin ng bagong taon. I am sure he still not back from his family's home. Kaya useless rin naman kung tatawagan ko siya.

Pinilit kong humakbang kahit na nahihirapan. The guard of the building greeted me with a smile. Hindi ko alam kung nagbabakasyon ba sila ngayong holidays naman. But then, nawalan na rin naman ako ng pakialam sa mga tao sa paligid ko ngayon.

I located my unit. Nang buksan ko iyon ay wala namang pagbabago but the feeling of loneliness engulfed me like a wind. Malamig ang lugar at napuno ng katahimikan. The neighbors from the other unit was probably asleep since it's already afternoon. Siesta time, I guess.

Naglakad ako patungo sa aking kwarto. Napahinto ako at napalingon sa kwarto ni Everly. I wanted to come inside and see what's in there. Sa nakalipas na buwan ay hindi na ako nakapasok doon. What happened to the stuff that I gave her? Natatandaan ko noon na palagi ko siyang binibigyan ng mga bagay na mayroon ako. It hurts to remember that all of them was just her lies and pretension.

Pinihit ko ang door knob sa aking kwarto. Kahit na ang pagtulak ko sa pinto ay tila walang lakas at pagod na pagod. I just want to sleep it all.

Nakatulog nga ako ngunit naalimpungatan din nang makaramdam ng init sa katawan. I realized it was alreay seven pm. It was the longest sleep I've ever had ever since.

Sinuklay ko ang aking buhok at tumayo. I felt lightheaded and my head was spinning. Pinilit kong maglakad at sinipat ang switch ng ilaw para lumiwanag ang aking kwarto. I checked my phone,too.