Silver Roses [h.f-t. & j.l.] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 6 - Don't Shy Away

don't shy away - james mclean

"I am learning how to be gentle, to not disturb the waters desperately fighting to carry away the pain I let weigh me down like stones fastened to my bones. I am learning how to admire the flowers begging to grow from the ashes that surround my skeleton, planted so deep within earth's ground that the sun can not break through. I am fighting so hard to pause when life begins to swallow me whole. It has become a daily ritual-- close my eyes, count to ten. breathe. breathe. breathe again. Until my rib cages no longer feel like wire cages pressing into my lungs. And when my eyes open, I won't let the storm flood my veins again. Not this time. This time I will breathe. Breathe. Breathe. This time I will look around me and find the beauty in life-- and I will hold onto it as if my life depends on it. Because it is there-- in every flower growing in the dying earth, every star lighting up the sky as if darkness is not meant to be feared, in every sunset that reminds you the worst of days will always end in beautiful ways. I will breathe, I will remember that the world is infinite, and I am meant to be so much more than this sadness. I will breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Until I no longer feel as if I am gasping for enough oxygen to keep this broken body alive. I will learn, and I will fight as if this is a war I could finally survive.

hero

The closer I was getting, the more I started to regret it. The sun was burning hot today and I was glad I decided to wear some shorts today that reached just below my knee and a cap I found at the bottom of my suitcase. I had to take off my shoes after 20 minutes after they were almost completely filled with sand and then had to move more towards the water since the sand was too hot to walk on. With my feet in the water and the sun on my back, I walked along the beach with enough time to overthink what I was trying to accomplish here.

I felt like I had no reason to be there really but it's like I was pulled by a magnetical force, keeping my feet moving.

The walk wasn't as long as I first thought or maybe I just walked a little too fast because soon I could spot a couple of people from afar. I knew it was Josephine by the bright red bikini you could see from a mile away that she also wore when we first met and I shove my hands in my pockets as I approach them. Jo was sitting with Kit on a big blue towel. Kit was shouting something back and forth with their friends in the water and Jo was laying on her back with a book held above her head.

Kit noticed me first, using her hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she squints up at me.

"Hero!" she exclaims and I give her a little wave as I watch Jo lower her book and mimicking her friend so she could see me without being blinded by the sun.

"Hey, Jo." I say, not sure what else I could say and Kit looks back and forth between us before getting up.

"I'll join the others in the water." She announces, giving me a wink before running away from us, her laugh echoing over to us as she jumps in the water.

"You came." Jo says with a smile while sitting up and I nod shortly, my throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

"Just wanted to quickly stop by." I say and she smiles, gathering her hair from her shoulders and pushing it back so it was hanging down her back.

"Have a swim." Jo suggests, nodding towards the water and I chuckle, shaking my head.

"I haven't been swimming in an ocean or sea in years." I admit and she shrugs, her smile growing wider, showing her teeth. My heart skips a beat and If I could I would tie it down.

"That's more of a reason to do it." She says, using her free hand to lean back and support herself. I just now noticed how tones her body really was. She told me before she gave surf lessons so she probably got some muscles from that.