Silver Roses [h.f-t. & j.l.] (ON HOLD)

Chapter 1

"There was a painful emptiness causing havoc inside him. It soaked him up, swallowing him completely and encapsulating him from the rest of the world. Sitting in front of the coffin. So close to her. Yet so far away. Tears were pricking at the corner of his eyes, blurring his vision. But he didn't care. He didn't care anymore. His last patch of care left along with her. He sat there, in the first row of the grieving crowd, his hollow gaze fixed on the coffin but not really taking it in. No, his mind was somewhere else. Seeking release from the excruciating agony it was having a pounding, anatomically healthy heart while she wasn't granted the same anymore. He sat there. So close to her. Yet so far away. Because he was alive and she was dead. And it was this realization of the splitting gap between them that knocked his last remnants of breath off completely."

hero

I knew what was coming before he even got the chance to say it out loud. I knew it right away when my aunt's name first fell. My dad has been tiptoeing around the actual reason why he brought her up for a solid 5 minutes now, going on about how it would be the best for everyone if we undergo a little change. I also knew what he really meant, he meant a change for me so I would stop acting the way I did and quit causing problems for him and his oh-so-fucking-perfect image. I didn't even bother listening to what he was rambling about, watching him fiddling with his hands as if he was feeling guilty and how he ran his hand through his hair in a nervous manner from my spot on the couch. I had kind of developed this thing where I could have someone talk to me but I was able to drown out their voice by studying the movements instead. And what my dad did right now, told me exactly that he felt guilty but also confident in his decision. I was ready to just start nodding along to whatever he was saying when he dropped her name.

"-your mom would want you to do this, son. What's the point of just staying here and doing nothing at all, you can't keep doing this." I locked eyes with him which seemed to surprise him as he stopped talking. He was hesitating before he continued.

"Your aunt Marisol is more than willing to let you stay with her as long as it takes." He says. As long as it takes. I had to fight the urge to laugh at him for his choice of words. But I swallowed it down and kept my mouth in a straight line.

"Okay." I simply say and my dad just looked at me for a few seconds, as if he was not ready for me to accept so quickly.

"Okay?" he asks and I nod slowly, pushing myself up from the couch. I broke my eye contact with him as I turned to slowly walk towards the window in my flat. It has felt weird ever since what happened to look around me and see everyone just moving on with their life while mine has been fucking falling apart around me.

"Yes. Okay. I'll do it." I shrug and even though I had my back turned towards him now, I knew he was letting out a deep breath of relief.

"Okay." There was another long pause as I just stood there and watched the city move on in the dim light of the evening sun. I heard my dad take two footsteps towards me but he stopped and soon I could hear my front door being opened.

"I'll take care of the tickets and call your aunt to let her know." He says quietly and I nod, not caring if he could see it.

"Hero?" he asks and I force myself to turn my head towards him.

"Please try." His voice was matching his facial expression and the quietness of it made me notice the dark circles under his eyes that I hadn't really noticed before. "For her." I swallowed hard at his words before giving him a short nod and turning back around. As the door clicked shut I let myself let out the shaky breath I didn't realize I was holding, dropping my gaze to the floor and squeezing my eyes shut.

My aunt has been living in Australia for about 25 years now and I didn't really know much more about her. She has no children and the last time we visited her was when I was about 6 years old. Our contact was limited to birthday cards and awkward short phone calls from there on. She wasn't even here for my mum's funeral so you could say I wasn't that fond of her. My dad sent me an e-mail just a couple of days later with my plane ticket and other information I needed for it. I had about a week to pack all my stuff but that wasn't really a problem for me.