I Have Tasted the Forbidden Fruit

Chapter 11: Strange Feelings

(Damiens P.O.V)

I have never been violent towards anyone before; but when I saw that man put his hands on Samuel I saw red. When I punched that man and yelled, I remembered Samuel was there and got scared.

Instead of being mad or disgusted with me he held me. He said he wasn't angry with me and I was very thankful for that. I would do it again and again if I had to. I wasn't his owner or master or any of that. I was his friend and more.

We have gotten so close to one another these past couple of weeks it was unreal. He has told me a little of his past and family and what it was like in his world. I told him some of mine though there wasn't much to tell.

We meet now at my special place to talk and to be with each other. He seems to trust me a lot more now than before; that makes me so happy. Everytime were together time just seems to stop. Time doesn't even exist when I am with Samuel.

He lets me just talk and ask a lot of questions and he lets me do the biggest thing of all.

He lets me touch him.

I love that. I love laying my head on his shoulder and being able to hug him and when we lay down on the ground he wraps his arms around me. Everytime I am around him I get these strange feelings. My heart beats faster and faster and I don't understand

Why do I feel this way and why is it towards Samuel? Does he feel it too? Maybe I should tell him. I am so very confused. No normal boys heart speeds up at the presence of another boy. Or gets nervous when another boy touches them. But I do. It's a want that I have when I am around Samuel. I need his presence and touch. I want it. Whether it be normal or not Samuel is a need and want for me. His touch is so very different from other touches that I have had.

Different from my fathers.

Different from my preachers.

Different from everybodies.

I didn't need there touches. If anything i'd rather them not touch me at all if I had a choice. Their touch makes me crazy. My fathers makes me feel dirty. Unwanted. Scarred. Insane. My preachers makes me feel sinful. Like I need a prayer because I am disobient and ungrateful. Everybody elses it is like they know what happens behind my closed doors. What I go through. A pity touch. But they can't know. No one does.

Samuels touch makes me feel whole. Like I am worthy of this heart beat in my chest; like it should beat instead of not. I feel clean and untouched and unmarked when he touches me. I feel pure. I feel sane. Like I may stay whole and unbroken.

I think I may love him. Not in a brotherly way. Or a friend way. In a way thats so forbidden that it has to be wrong right?

But why does it feel so right?

So pure?

Like we were meant to meet. To help and fix each other. To make each other whole and feel again.

It is so much more than love. So much more than just feelings. I just hope that Samuel can feel the same.