Letters to my Ex

Letter 4

Dear ex,

It's been a while. I've been busy on my school work, handing in assignment after assignment. For Christmas break I flew back home to Chicago to visit long time friends and family. Oh, and guess what? I forgot to tell them about me and you.

As soon as I walked through the front door, Kaleb bombarded me with questions about your whereabouts. You see, you're my little brothers idol. When I told him that you were apart of the Columbia Lions football team, he hugged me and said that he was happy for me, for us.

So turning up to my family home without you in tow, dropped his mood completely. He even had his favourite football in his hands for you to sign.

And that's how my Christmas and thanksgiving started. Eventually I told them and kaleb was moody for the rest of the night. Before we went to bed, my mom came into my old room and looked at me with a sad smile.

I tried to return the favour but I couldn't. I wasn't really happy and my mom knew it so why lie to her? When she braved me into her loving mama bear hug, I burst into tears.

I cried and cried and cried. Even if there wasn't anything left in my body. My mom and I stayed like that for a while, she didn't say anything and I appreciated that.

Because I knew that she understood me. She knew the pain I was in and she didn't question it. After a while, she let me go and wiped my tear stained cheeks.

I told her about everything. How you said you weren't ready for a relationship and that you wanted to be free while you were in college. I couldn't blame you though. Every senior guy in college wants to be able to go to parties every night of the weekend and doesn't need a prissy sophomore as there girlfriend who just wants to "settle down".

But you broke my heart. And I will always hold you against that.

After telling her my sob story, the rest of my break was alright, except for everyone I met asked me about you.

Where's you're boyfriend?

I heard you got a boyfriend, who is he?

Where's he from?

What is he studying?

Is he cute?

Is he hot?

You know, all the questions your family members ask you when you only see them a couple of times every year.

I wonder if you're visiting your family, and I hope they're asking about me too. Because I don't want to be the one who feels like a burden 24/7. I also want to be able to roll out of bed every morning and think that today is a new day and finally be truly happy for myself.

I want to say that I love you but I don't need you anymore and that's ok. I want to be able to erase you from my routine just like you have with me.

I want you to feel angry at me. Upset about me and mostly, I want you to remember me but in a good way. I want you to move on with your life, being a star football player and exceeding in school life. I want you to make your parents proud like you always do but please, I'm begging you, just remember me as the girl you loved and let go.