Letters to my Ex

Letter 5

Dear ex,

How was your Christmas? Or your thanksgiving? Mine was small and sweet. For thanksgiving, my dad cooked turkey and my grandparents came over. They asked me about you.

And I told them what had happened. Well, not the full story just said that we weren't right for each other were we?

Because if we're being honest here, we weren't. You didn't want to be held down and I wanted to be comfortable. My fun was your boring. And your fun? Well, let's just say that getting so drunk you pass out in some strangers dog kennel is definitely not my type of 'fun'.

Because I had to buy a plane ticket for my mode of transport, I only took a few things with me back home so a few days before Christmas, I went shopping for presents for my family with my high school friends.

Yet again, they asked me about you. But they knew what had happened thanks to so many nights after our break up of me FaceTiming the in the middle of the night trying to sniffle my cry's.

Everything was going smoothly until we were at the food court getting lunch. Some guy came up to me and smiled at me. He asked me for my number and you know what I did?

I declined.

Why?

Because for some reason I was still thinking that after almost a month of me and you, that we were miraculously still together.

Crazy right? And when I accidentally spilt out that I had a boyfriend, my friends looked at me strangely.

And I don't know why I still do it. It might be because we've been together so long and now, suddenly not having you around isn't apart of my agenda. My brain doesn't know how to function like this, without you around.

We've been together for one year and two months. That's roughly 426 days. That's 10,226 hours. And that equals 613,606 minutes you've been on my mind.

Constantly.

I can't get over you. You've played a huge impact on my life and I guess that when guys asked for my number or tried to hit on me, I would say:

"Oh, sorry I have a boyfriend."

Or:

"I'm taken sorry."

But now I have to teach myself how to say:

"Yeah, you can have my number."

"Sure! Let's go on a date!"

And even:

"I'm single."

These are the things I need to say when a cute guy asks me out on a date or when some dude sees me at Starbucks and anxiously wants my number.

Because you're not there to hold me back anymore.

I've seen your Instagram. You've spread your wings and flew away from the nest, not looking back once, but I'm still cooped up in this place hoping that one day, you will drop the parties and the popularity to become that somebody I hope can show me and how to spread my wings and we fly away together to create our own nest.