Indolent Heart (Completed) [R-18]

4 : Pernicious

Pernicious - causing great harm or damage often in a way that is not easily seen or noticed

-----

Kim

Wrapped in the arms of the only man I had offered my body.

Entangled by the thought that my owm heart denies me to believe.

And scared with the possibilities of its punishment.

We both are held liable for what happened.

The sex was great and mind blowing. There's nothing to deny about it.

But the after effect will always be something I know I won't be able to accept.

The love he asks is the love I cannot give.

I can feel his breathing.

I can feel his warmth.

I can feel his love.

Nevertheless, I cannot offer him mine.

I fear how dangerous a Jaguar's love is. Ganito magmahal ang isang Jaguar. Nakakatakot.

Knowing how powerful and dangerous this man I am captived by, my only escape is death.

I am tired of moaning. I am tired of shouting his name all over again. I am sticky. But the man embracing me is so much satiated and is peacefully sleeping behind me.

I gazed at the wall clock.

It's five in the morning. It's still dark outside and is raining so hard.

It has been a month of me having this set up with him.

We have sex most of the times. Halos araw araw ay may nangyayari sa amin.

The set up is just so stupid in my part because I am still letting him.

Ako 'tong ayaw sa kanya ngunit hinahayaan ko paring may mangyari sa amin. Kahit alam ko ang kakayahan ng lalaking nakayakap sa akin.

This is the reason why all my life, I have made sure not to engage myself permanently with a Jaguar.

We both are in the same circle of friends but I made sure not to go more than that.

Ngunit sadyang hindi ko ata natagumpayan ang gusto ko.

All I wanted is to have a simple life.

Yung kahit hindi mayaman, ay masaya.

Unti unting tumulo ang luha mula sa aking mga mata.

Dahil sa sitwasyong meron ako ngayon ay nagawa kong saktan ang lalaking walang ginawa kundi ang respetuhin ako.

I've hurt him

The wedding has been cancelled because Shannon threatened to kill him if I would still pursue with the wedding.

And that sums up all the reasons why I am beside him.

I moved a little bit but I felt him tighten his hold on me. Aaminin ko, ang ganda ng kanyang katawan. He has the body every woman would perhaps want to see.

Medyo malamig ang umaga kung kayat alam kong yung init na mula sa aming magkayakap na katawan ang siyang kailangan naming dalawa.

Ipipikit ko ulit sana ang aking mga mata ng biglaang maramdaman kong bumabaliktad ang aking sikmura.