Peter Parker Oneshots

Avengers Unsolved

The intro music above (it's glorious)

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Steve tried to adjust the camera on the tripod while the rest of the team runs around. Of course, the super soldier had no idea how to work the thing, but the rest of Earth's Mightiest Heroes were busy acting like five year olds.

Peter had recommended that the team create a YouTube channel for fun. It took some convincing- Peter's puppy eyes broke them- but the Avengers agreed. They'd do anything to make the sunshine child happy.

Shuri, Peter, Groot, Ned, and MJ all thought about what the channel would be about.

That's when it hit them.

Avengers Unsolved.

Peter loved to watch Shane and Ryan as they investigated mysteries. The show made him laugh. He even managed to get Clint, Loki, Bucky, and Wanda addicted too.

Now, partnered with BuzzFeed, the Avengers has their own mini mystery series!

*Back to the present*

Steve huffed. The tripod kept falling down. He called for Tony to help.

"Hey Tones! I need you!"

Tony easily set up the equipment and helped strap go pros to everyone. Thor smiled like an idiot as he strapped the camera to his head. Bruce snuck a picture and stayed close to the Asgardian.

Peter managed to herd everyone in front of the camera. They had to hurry to get the intro done before the sun set. He pulled his spidey mask over his face and counted down. Obviously, people couldn't know his identity.

"In three... two... one...! Hey everyone! Welcome to Avengers Unsolved! This week we're investigating the goatman's bridge!"

Bruce shuddered. He became more anxious as the sun lowered in the sky.

Scott stepped forward. "Everyone at BuzzFeed saw how well Shane and Ryan's episode did, and per your request, we are going to finish the investigation!"

Bucky pumped his fist. "IM GONNA FIGHT THE GOATMAN!"

"AND IM GONNA RECORD HIS ROBO ASS GETTING KICKED!" Sam replied.

Bucky tackled Sam and the two rough housed in the background. The cameraman, an older man named Stan, slowly zoomed in on Steve's face. His Eyebrows of Disappointment™️ clear.

Eventually, the group managed to pry the two apart and continued filming.

Peter hopped around. "Do you thing we're really gonna find the goatman, Dr. Strange sir?"

Stephen rolled his eyes for probably the twentieth time. "As the Sorcerer Supreme, I can assure you that the 'goatman' is only a myth."

Tony scoffed. "Hold on there! Don't ruin the mood you cranky wizard-"

"THATS IT PUT A DOLLAR IN THE WIZARD JAR! I TOLD YOU IM A SORCERER!"

Tony reluctantly slipped a $50 bill in a glass jar that appeared out of nowhere. Peter giggled. He didn't notice the dark of the night slowly casting over the woods.

Clint looked around and yawned. "Ok, how are we gonna find this dude?"

Vision piped up. "According to Shane and Ryan, we must 'call' for the goatman."

"HAHA! THE MAN OF GOATS HAS NO CHANCE AGAINST THE MIGHTY THOR! I SHALL DRAG HIM FROM HIS SAD LITTLE MIDGARDIAN HOLE AND PROVE MY STRENGTH!"

Sam and Rhodey wheezed as their teammate continued to bellow his odd speech. Nat shook her head.

Clint smirked at the Black Widow. He talked to Shane and already knew the best way to coax him out of hiding. Nat sighed.

"F*CK YOU GOATMAN!"

Nat shook her head and face palmed.

"GOATMAN IM DANCING ON YOUR BRIDGE!" Clint called as he did some odd goblin shuffle around the bridge. "SEE HOW I DISRESPECT YOUR BRIDGE GOATMAN!"

Bruce and Steve panicked. "CLINT," Bruce whisper-yelled, "DONT ANGER HIM!"

"CHILDREN WILL COME HERE AND TELL TALES OF ME!"

Tony, Bucky, and Wanda were on the ground rolling with laughter. Stephen looked dead inside as he watched his immature teammates. Peter panicked and tried to get Clint to stop.

"Uncle Clint! Don't say that! The goatman will throw you off the bridge!"

"NO HE WONT! HEAR THAT GOATMAN?! SPIDER-MAN AND I OWN THIS BRIDGE NOW!"

"DONT BRING ME INTO THIS!"

"THEN TELL HIM YOU DONT MEAN IT!"

"I DONT MEAN IT MR. GOATMAN!" Peter squeaked.

"You're talking to the goatman now. It's goatman entrapment."

"Oh No! Mr StArK i DoNt WaNnA bE eAtEaN bY tHe GoAtMaN!"

Tony held his kid and bopped Clint on the head.

Everyone laughed until suddenly a tall horned figure ran past them in the shadows. Peter squealed and attached himself to Tony like a baby koala. The Avengers all got into defensive positions as they heard a figure dart around them.

"Eheheheheheheheehehehe...."

"ITS THE GOATMAAAAAAAN!!!!" Bucky cried. He picked up Steve and ran off towards their van.

Sam quickly scurried off behind them. Nat grabbed Clint, who was pale with fear, while Thor held Bruce over his head.

"QUICK! BANNER DO YOU SEE THE CREATURE?! WE MUST DO 'GET HELP!'"

"NOT THE TIME THOR NOW GO!!!"

Thor hurried with the others, still hold Bruce high over his head. Tony was covered head to toe in his armor in seconds. He held onto Peter and took off into the sky. Rhodey followed along with Wanda and Vision.

Scott shrunk to the size of an apple and jumped onto Stephen's shoulder. "GET US OUTTA HERE WIZARD!"

Stephen didn't even argue. He instantly summoned a portal and was already in the van with the others.

Stan the cameraman just shrugged as he watched Earth's Mightiest Heroes scamper off like frightened cats. He didn't even bother to take the camera.

"I don't get paid enough for this...."

With everyone gone, the figure slowly emerged from the darkness. Loki smirked as he approached the camera. He wore his usual golden horned helmet.

"Loki'd," he grinned and shut off the camera.

Eventually, everyone returned for the camera the next day. The film crew uploaded the footage before the Avengers could even see.

Avengers Unsolved become the hottest channel on YouTube in a matter of minutes.

~Bonus~

"Wait," Peter said as he scooped another bite of ice cream into his mouth, "so that was Uncle Loki all along?"

Clint groaned and buried his head in his lap.

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Oof I wrote that in one sitting. I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!!