Peter Parker Oneshots

Sticky Situations

Basically a compilation of the Avengers being a bunch of morons
But they're our morons so we love them

Idk y'all I've been dissociating all day
I think my last brain cell is ready to explode
Also my math teacher looks exactly like Colonel Sanders

••••

"Hey, uh, Mr. Stark? Yeah I hate to be that guy but I glued myself to the ceiling... again."

Peter hangs up the phone before Tony can begin to interrogate him. He looks up at his feet. Sticky web fluid holds them firmly in place on the ceiling of the living room.

Peter didn't mean to semi permanently attach himself to the ceiling for the second time this week. He thought he fixed chemical formula for the fluid. Looking at his notes, the web slinger catches his mistake.

"I forgot to carry the two. Crap."

————————————

Fury sighed as he sat in his chair and rubbed his temples. Across his desk were the Avengers. They were all covered in icing, sprinkles, chocolate fudge, flour, and other baking ingredients.

"Now, one at a time, you f*ckers better explain how you managed to cause ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kitchen."

In a matter of minutes, all of the members but Peter were outside of Fury's office sitting awkwardly like a bunch of anxious school children about to be lectured by their principal.

Peter visibly shook as Nick cocked an eyebrow.

"Please don't kill me Mr. Director Fury, sir. Ned and I are supposed to build our LEGO Millennium Falcon tomorrow."

"Peter," Nick shook his head and tried his hardest to hold back a chuckle, "I'm not gonna kill you."

Clint sat crisscross as he tried to clean chocolate cake off his arrows.

"Clint."

"Ya."

"What happened?"

"Nat threw a cake at me."

"Why?"

Clint shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno."

"There's gotta be a reason."

Clint glanced down at his shirt and saw brownie batter smeared all over it.

"Aw man!" He looked up at Fury. "Do you think this will wash out?"

"Somebody get me the next person in here now!"

Nick groaned as he waited for the next Avenger to walk in.

"Tell me what happened."

These are the responses he got:

"I tried to lock Sam in the oven. He called me dumb and said my hair was greasy."

"THAT PSYCHO TRIED TO COOK ME!"

"I wanted an excuse to renovate the kitchen."

"All I wanted was one nice evening! One! Do I ever get that? No! What do I get?" Steve nearly pulled his hair out in frustration. "MY FRIENDS TRY TO LOCK EACH OTHER IN THE OVEN!"

"Oh yeah I threw cake at Clint. Why? I was bored."

"I don't like Bruce's face so I decided to fix it. The flour and sprinkles did look nice, that is until he turned green," Loki stated nonchalantly.

"Loki said what about my face?!"

"It was actually quite hilarious! In the midst of sustenance battle, I managed to create my own batch of PopTarts!"

"Mr. Fury sir, am I grounded?"

—————

Loki inspected his nails as the entirety of Earth's Mightiest Heroes stood around him.

"It's a long story."

"You tricked us into believing you were dead for three months. We've got time."

————

Clint screamed as he desperately tried to outrun his best friend, who was currently determined to murder him.

Peter sat at the kitchen island and he colored at picture he drew of himself and the Avengers.

"Hey Uncle Clint! Check it out!"

"Can't now squirt Nat's tryna kill me-AAHHHHHH"

"CLINT YOU SON OF A- oh Peter that drawing is gorgeous! We'll put that on the fridge when you're done, ok sweetheart? I'll be right back!" Nat kisses Peter's forehead and began chasing Clint again. "YOURE DEAD FEATHERBUTT!"

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That's all I've got for now. It's getting late but I'll do a part two later! Byeeee :D