Peter Parker Oneshots

Allow Me to Shed Some Light

Oof I'm hella bad at naming stuff but oh whale

Enjoy my dudes

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"PETER WHY THE EVER LOVING F*CK DO YOU HAVE A FLASHLIGHT IN YOUR STOMACH?!"

"I DiDn'T mEaN tO Mr. StArK iT wAs An AcCiDeNt! ......mOsTlY...."

*record scratches*

*freezes frame*

Captain America struts in full uniform in front of the screen. He sits down in a chair that literally appeared out of nowhere and stares blankly at the audience.

"So, Peter swallowed a flashlight."

Six hours earlier

It is universal knowledge that Peter Parker is a Grade A klutz. He truly tries to do better, but good ole Parker Luck tends to bite him in the butt.

Midtown High was currently having a fundraiser for the decathlon team. They were selling cheap trinkets that were poorly manufactured in some distant country and worth only a few cents. This week, it was Peter and MJ's turns to work the booth during lunch hours.

MJ sat silently while reading. Poor Peter tried desperately to be a good salesman. He demonstrated some of the products such as smencils, small calculators, and keychain flashlights that were impressively bright. The entire thing lit up and was roughly the size of one's palm. However, they had a habit of turning on by simple movements. You could flick one without even touching the button and it would turn on. Despite the flaw, they were the bestsellers (although Peter thought the smencils were way cooler).

To Peter's dismay, Flash just had to show up not long after Peter just sold two more items. Things were going pretty well and he was feeling rather proud of his sales-pitching skills.

"Hey there Penis. Have you sold anything yet? Of course the only way you could ever support the team would be to man this pathetic fundraiser."

"Shut up, Flash. Your two brain cells couldn't keep up with Parker even if they did manage to work together to form a decent thought," MJ snapped, not even looking up from her book.

Flash just growled and looked down at the junk. He decided to buy a flashlight and leave, but not without sending a cruel glare to Peter. He turned back to his "friends" and smirked. They shuffled over to a corner and pretended to just idly chat.

"Thanks MJ-"

"HEY PENIS, LIGHTEN UP" Flash yelled as he chucked the plastic flashlight across the room.

Why did Parker Luck have to be so evil...?

Somehow while Peter was speaking, the light managed to shoot into his mouth and down his throat mid sentence. Peter chocked for a second...

And then he swallowed the flashlight.

He. Swallowed. The. Flashlight.

Son of b-

"PETER ARE YOU OKAY?" MJ asked with unusual concern in her voice. Flash just paled at the poor boy frozen from shock.

Oops.

He didn't mean to send the thing hurling down Parker's windpipe, just to bop him on the head. Flash did the one thing he was good at: running. He took off down the hall and as far away as he could get.

Peter went to the nurse but she was no help whatsoever.

"Well honey I don't know what to tell ya," she began. "You might just need to wait til it passes through." The nurse cringed slightly at how awkward the situation was. The light was rather small, so it wasn't a big worry, right?