Redemption

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

After spending most of the day talking to the guys and getting to know them a little better, Venus, Gemma and I are having a cup of tea and I am just looking into my cup, my mind wondering. Venus takes my hand and breaks me from my thoughts and I didn't realize I had started crying. "I think I'm going to get some air." I say before standing up and heading out to the picnic tables. "She okay?" Jax asks and Venus says "I don't know." as she looks at the door I walked out of worried.

I sit on top of one of the tables when a slim blonde walks over and takes a seat next to me. "I'm Lyla." she tells me. I shake her hand and say "Ryan." I look back down at my hands and she asks "Wanna talk about it?" I don't look at her but say "I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of this." She looks at me concerned and asks "What's going through your head?" she asks. "My sister got help from the club to save me from my mom and her friends and I'm grateful but I went for so long, worrying that if I didn't do what I was told she'd have one of her friends beat me. They were raping me. Now she's gone. I don't feel anything. I'm not upset that she's dead. I'm not even mad at the man that killed her. But then a part of me feels guilty because I'm not upset." I tell her. "Honey, she was beating you and letting her friends rape you. You don't have to feel anything if you don't want to. Don't feel guilty. One thing I've learned is that Karma is a bitch and when she comes to collect, she can be a raging bitch." she tells me and I laugh a little and she does too. "So I'm not a horrible person for not being upset that she's gone?" I ask. "Absolutely not." she tells me.

After talking to Lyla, we walk back inside and as soon as I am inside, Jax walks up. "You okay Darlin?" he asks and I see concern in his eyes. "I'm getting there." I tell him as I touch his arm and he nods. I walk back over and tell Venus and Gemma and say "I think I'm going to head to bed." They both stand up and kiss my cheek and say "We'll see you in the morning." before I nod and head down the hall.

I wake up from a nightmare and look at the clock and it reads 2am. I walk down the hall to get a drink of water and see the doors to the chapel open and see Jax sitting there playing with his rings. I walk to the door and ask "Jax?" He looks up and sees me standing there. "What are you doing up Darlin?" he asks as he stands up. "Are you okay?" I ask without answering his question. "Yeah. I'm good." he says. I walk into the chapel and closer to him. "I see it, you know." I tell him. "See what?" he asks softly. "What's going on inside your head. You're thinking about what my momma said." I say. "You heard her?" he asks and I nod my head yes. "It's not true." I tell him. He looks down at his hands in front of him and still playing with his rings. I gently place my hand on his and say "You're not a monster." I tell him. He looks up at me and I move to one of the chairs and he sits in the one next to me. "You're not a monster, Jax." I repeat and he looks at his hand still in mine. "Let me tell you a little history." I tell him and he nods that he's listening. "Venus and I are twins. When we were younger, Venus was Vincent. Our mother started pimping us out at the age of eight. By the time we hit puberty, we were taking more dick than our momma." I say and I feel his hand squeeze mine in support. "Growing up, momma had two businesses. One was a photography business like where you found me. She would sell the copies of the pictures of little ones and sell them to pediphiles. She also had a daycare that she ran out of the house. When I was nine, I walked in on her holding one of the little ones, naked on her lap. One of her friends paid her to let him jack off looking at the little girl. When she saw me there, she made me finish him off." I tell him and see a tear fall from his eye. I wipe his tear and say "What makes a person a monster isn't what they do. It's their reason for doing it. My mom did the things she did out of greed. You do the things you do to survive and to protect your club and your family. My momma was a monster. You are a good man. Jax, you didn't know me or my sister and you did what you had to do to rescue me. I will always be grateful to you for that." I tell him, my hand still on his cheek.

Jax places his hand on mine on his cheek and turns and kisses my wrist. "You're a good man." I whisper and he nods softly. "Come on." I tell him and he looks at me confused. "We both need to sleep. We can help each other." I tell him and before he can ask, I say "Nightmares." He nods and follows me to my dorm, not letting go of my hand.

Walking into the dorm, he closes and locks the door and strips down as I get into bed. He climbs in behind me and I pull him to lay his head on my chest. I run my fingers through his hair and hear his breathing even out telling me he's sleeping and I drift off to sleep.