Redemption

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jax sits down in one of the chairs at the table and pulls me into his lap. The closer he holds me, the more I have to keep my guard up. I'm beyond saving. I know I am. Jax, however, can be saved. He kisses me softly and then deepens the kiss. After sitting for a little bit, we stand and he leads me out to the bar. Kissing me one more time, he moves to talk to Tig and I head outside to the picnic table by the boxing ring.

I sit on top of the table and Lyla comes out and sits next to me. "Are you okay?" she asks. "Yeah. Just trying to figure out how to help Jax." I say. "What about you?" she asks. "I'm good." I tell her. "No you're not." she tells me. I sigh. "Lyla, Jax is struggling but he can be saved. He's going to be okay." I tell her. "So will you." she says. I shake my head no. "Lyla, I'm beyond fixable. I can't be fixed. I honestly don't think I was ever whole to begin with." I tell her. "One thing I've learned from being around these guys is that even if you feel like you can't be fixed, you still belong. We're one big family of misfits." she tells me and I laugh a little. She puts her arm around my shoulder and I lean into her as more tears fall.

That night, Jax and I head to the dorm and head to bed. He holds me close and tilts my chin up to look at him. Kissing me softly, he deepens the kiss and hovers over me. We start to shed clothes in between kisses and he enters me. Thrusting in and out, I find my release several times before he finds his inside me. He lays on his back and pulls me to him and I lay there for a few minutes but can't get myself together. I move from the bed. "Where are you going?" He asks. "I'm going to get a shower." I tell him. I head into the bathroom and lock the door. Getting in the shower, I slide down to the floor and sobbing. I stay in the shower sobbing until the water gets cold. Getting out, I dry off and get dressed before walking out into the bedroom. He's sitting on the side of the bed and reaches his hand out for me. Taking his hand, I let him pull me to stand between his legs. Looking up at me, I don't look at him. I put my chin on top of his head. "Talk to me babe." he says. "I'm good. I think I'm going to get some air. I'll be back." I tell him before pulling away and he lets me.

I walk out to the main room and out to the boxing ring and sit on top of the picnic table. I'm sitting out there for a few minutes when Jax comes out and sits next to me. Neither of us say anything for a minute before I speak. "I'm okay Jax." I tell him. He doesn't say anything but reaches over and takes my hand. "I could hear you crying." he tells me and I don't say anything. "Tell me what to do to make you happy." he tells me. "Jax, I don't know what it's like to be happy. I don't know what it's like to not feel worthless. I've never been more than a way for get a man off. I don't know how to be anything else." I tell him. "I'm falling for you." he tells me. I shake my head no. "I am." he tells me. "Jax, you just lost your wife. You're lonely. You're not falling for me. I'm just a means to an end." I tell him. He stands up and stands between my legs. Cupping my face, he kisses me softly and says "A day at a time." I nod and he puts his forehead to mine and I feel the tears start to fall again. Wiping my tears he says "Let's go to bed baby." I nod and we head inside.

Walking into the dorm, we lay on the bed and I lay with my back to him. He wraps his arms around me and I wait until I hear his soft snores and I slip out of the bed and up the ladder to the roof. I sit in one of the chairs and sob. I sit on the roof and sob until I see the sun start to rise, starting a new day.