Scrubs and Angels (Bastille/Dan Smith)

Chapter 21 - Phoebe

I gently guide my spoon through my Chai before taking a small sip. Immediately the soft spicy and sweet tones of the blend harmonize in my mouth. I look up from my Latte glass to meet Janna's eyes. Awoui, Chrissy, her and I had decided to go out on a coffee date, seeming it had felt like forever since we all had been able to catch up together over a few hot drinks.

"So Awoui, Tell us, how did he do it." Janna half giggles and our sets of eyes immediately turn to fix in Will's fiancé's direction. It had been almost three days since Will proposed, and the couple are still the centre of everyone's attention. After whatever unspoken event had happened at Woody and Chrissy's wedding it came as a surprise to most people to see someone else so eager to walk down the aisle. I of course knew in advance, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the moment.

"Well to tell the truth it was a little cliche..."She starts unsure, but we urge her to carry on, hungry for gossip like scavenging vultures. "Um...Well we were in the restaurant sitting on a table right in front of a glass wall that showcased the entire map of the city, not to mention the Eiffel Tower. He order the chef's set menu for both of us. We ate the entire degustation of seven courses and then Will ordered a bottle of champagne." Awoui pauses briefly looking around the group,our shinning eyes eagerly awaiting the climax of the story. "And when the waiter went to serve the drinks there was a massive ring in my champagne glass, Will grabbed it out and bent down on one knee, and...." She trails off, a meek smile creeping across her lips.

"Ahh, that's so romantic!" Janna exclaims hugging Awoui. "I wish my slack fiance had done something cute like that for me." She progresses to continue talking about relationships with Chrissy and Awoui. The way they describe their partners with so much love and certainty, tugs an image of my years with Nick into my brain. I had felt the same way about Nick as Janna did with Kyle, I had talked the same way about Nick as Awoui did about Will, and I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with Nick like Chrissy did with Woody.The time I spent with him was the best in my life and the other girl's talk of their partners makes me long for more of those days, to find someone I can enjoy spending time and settle down with. Surely I would never get to do this with Nick again or even anyone remotely like him, but I can just feel a deep longing in my heart to be in a relationship like everyone else. To have someone to talk to, to hold me at night,...No, I think, stopping my train of thought. You are not ready for this, Do you really want another relationship like the one you had with Nick, where you ended up ruining someone's life? You don't deserve to be with someone, I repeat to myself in my head. I know that seeing the others with partners whilst I have no one myself may be hard, but it is what I deserve.

"I didn't think Will would be so eager to have a wedding, after you know, what happened last time." Janna says quietly, catching my attention suddenly. My eyes float around the table, almost immedieatly everyone has adopted a grim persona, particulary Chrissy. I am struck with wonder, I haad heard someone mention this before and almost the exact same reaction had occured. What could have happened to set off a trigger of responses like this.

"Umm, What exactly did happen last time?" I ask awkwardly, breaking the silence. I am suddenly greeted with a variety of shocked and nervous faces. I spot Chrissy out of the corner of my eye take a large gulp of air, fighting to stay calm. This causes me to question if it was in my right to say anything. "Sorry." I apologise "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No." Chrissy says suddenly, "You have a right to know, you are his replacement anyway." I nod carefully, looking her dead in the eyes. She breathes in heavily before beginning her next sentence. "Do you know much about the person who was your manager before you?" She asks.

"Well, I've heard people talk about this guy named Sam who I think used to be your tour manager, but I'm not really sure." I admit, unsure how this has anything to with weddings.I look to Chrissy as the phrase leaves my mouth, she seem to falter at the mention of this "Sam" that I have heard mentioned so many times before.

"Yeah, that was him, Sam; always happy and up for a good time, he was everyone's friend. Woody's best friend." She begins to explain, but seems to quietly trail off. I nod my head eagerly, but respectfully urging her on. She looks at me, her confronted eyes wide with trauma, and begins to speak again. "It was the day of Woody and my wedding, Woody had asked him to be his best man, only he never showed up on the day..." Her eyes are beginning to fill up with crystal tears that threaten to pour down her face any moment soon. Her fragile limbs shudder with the confronting distraught of having to live through whatever happened once again. Janna reaches out comforting hand and grasps Chrissy's shoulder.

"It's okay,"She hushes as though she were consoling a distressed child. "I can finish the story if it's too much for you." She stares down the barrels of Chrissy's flowing eyes, but Chrissy breaks away from the gaze.

"No, I can do this." She announces, bitting down hard on her lip. "So we waited for hours for him to arrive, but in the end we had no choice but to begin the ceremony without Sam. As the night progressed on we began to forget about his absense, sure we were still worried about him, but we were caught up in the celebration and well..." She stops to wipe the stray tears from her face."It wasn't until later that night when a police officer showed up at the wedding asking for Woody and I, amongst others. As soon as I saw him I remembered feeling something was wrong, very wrong.... And then he told us." She stutters through tears, her face now blotched red and running like waterworks on overtime. "Sam... Had been hit by a truck... On his way here, he was unresponsive and they, they didn't know if he would make it." I feel a pang of sorrow hit my chest. For this to happen to people as nice as Woody and Chrissy, to see your best friend dying on what was meant to be the best day of your life, it was heart breaking.

"I'm so sorry," I say solemnly "I had no idea about any of this." I admit, but Janna tells me not to worry about it. I begin to open my mouth, but Jannahushes me as Chrissy starts again.

"Woody didn't take accident well, there were some nights he was so upset, nothing could calm him down, not even me. But, he was always there to support his friend, he would always be the one choosing to wait by his bed, staring at Sam's mangled body, pleading him to wake up. It cut me just as deep seeing Sam like that, but also seeing my husband so upset. It was hard for the whole band when we had to leave Sam behind to tour, but I know there isn't a single day that Woody doesn't think of his best friend." Chrissy finishes, looking up at me. After listening to her words, sodden with emotional distraught, I am almost immediately hit square in the chest with doubt of my position as sam's replacement. Awoui must sense my feelings as she turns her gaze to ask.

"What's wrong? Are you takin everything okay?" I nod slowly, but I can't seem to convince myself everything is okay.

"It's just, seeing the way you talk about Sam, I don't feel like I deserve to be his replacement." I blurt out suddenly, unable to harness my feelings. "Sam seemed like such a nice person, the kind of guy who could get the job done and be everyone's friend, but ever since I've been here, I've just bossed everyone around and been a complete bitch. It seems as though I am rubbing dirt over Sam's record." I finish abruptly, shocked I have been able to reveal so much.

"It's okay." Janna consoles, patting my arm. "We love you too, and in no way do you disgrace Sam, no one will ever be the same, but it doesn't mean you don't deserve the Job." I listen to her words, but I not fully convinced. My own selfishness has lead my actions to conflict with almost everyone, especially Dan. I can't help but feel that as Sam's replacement I will never truly be accepted. I lean down to take a sip of my now lukewarm drink and as I look up, I catch a glimpse of what seems to be Dan sprinting towards the cafe. I stare intently as he closes the gap between us, I notice the other inhabitants of the coffee joint stare at him weirdly, and I overhear a few talking about Bastille. Why would Dan be making such a ruckus especially in a public place where people will recognize him. He finally slows his pace to arrive at our table, red faced and breathing heavily.

"Phoebe!" He exclaims through staccato puff of breath. "We need to talk night now." He grabs my arm with an iron grip, yanking me to the side before turning to address the others. I am shocked at his sudden urgency and surprise arrival, what could have caused this kind of reaction? He looks at the group but seems to directly adress Chrissy when he says.

"Freya called me, Sam's awake."