Fixing Her

Chapter VIII

I've distanced myself so incredibly much from the boys. If possible, the radius between us has grown more than when I first came here. They've noticed too, but they haven't asked or anything, and that just makes me feel worse for treating them the way I do. They really are great boys and I don't wanna make them uncomfortable or anything like that, but I really can't stand being close to them, and that's so unfair, especially to Dylan. He's been so much around me and he's been trying to involve me and make me laugh, and I'm colder than Pluto.

Today's my first day in school, and I've made it through two classes. I'm in the same class as Dylan, Landon and Elaine. Mia made sure that I was put with Dylan.

Even though I've been building more and more ice walls around me since Noah's arrival, they still haven't tried to melt them, even when in school. I feel sorry for them a bit, because I'm the one who's supposed to be begging them to let me hang out with them, not the opposite way, but that's exactly what they're doing. Well, Dylan at least. Landon is still cold towards me, and I'm not expecting anything else, but he's a bit better since that. He's been engaging more in conversations that I'm a part of, and Elaine has been talking to me, just like Iona when we've seen them. Thomas has been talking to me as much as possible too, which I appreciate since he has so little time between his classes. Landon didn't tell the boys about that day, which I made sure to thank him deeply for.

We're now sitting at a table, eating, but Dylan's just complaining.

"Seriously Hayden," he says. "Seriously. I don't think all of your meals in one year would make up for my appetizer."

I smile at him.

"Well I envy her," Iona says and eats one of her fries. "I on the other hand can eat three trucks."

"And still stay in that shape," Elaine comments for the first time. She isn't very talkative, another thing she shares with Landon. "Amen to that sister."

Even though she doesn't talk much, even less in class, she's the top student of the school. She's really smart, and Dylan told me she's done an all time exam as well. I recalled the time Isaac mentioned that when he said I can do one. She's the only one who's got one hundred percent, and that really shocked me, because it was a hard test. She, however, doesn't even talk about it. She looks like the bragging type, but no. Landon brags more about her smartness than herself, and then that is something.

"I'm just gonna get my phone from my locker," I excuse myself as I step up. I've always had the tendency to put my phone in my locker together with my things, and now I remember I need it since Linda needs to answer my message.

I asked to quit, because I really don't feel safe there anymore. Noah knows where it is, and I just won't be able to fake that everything's fine when I walk past that spot in the kitchen.

"Hey," I hear from behind me, jumping at first but walking down one step on the panic ladder;

First; Sweaty hands.
Second; Lots of swallowing.
Third; Faster heartbeats.
Fourth; Fidgeting.
Fifth; Lots of blinking.
Six; Pounding heart.
Seven; Shaking hands.
Eight; Uncontrollable tears.
Nine; Violative behavior.
Ten; Screaming.