Fixing Her

Chapter XXIX

I feel a touch on me and open my eyes just as the touch disappears from my shoulders.

Who was it?

I'm stupid. I'm really stupid. Who else can it be except Landon?

I see his back as he disappears into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I turn around and feel the sheets over my body.

I have no idea how and when I fell asleep, I just know I didn't have sheets on me, even if I'm grateful for them. It's really cold.

I decide not to talk to him when he walks out of the bathroom, just try to close my eyes and go back to sleep with my back facing him. I try ignoring the warning bell in my head, but I don't succeed, because I'm oblivious. The only thing I can rely on is my trust in him.

"Did I wake you?" I hear his voice, and I'm about to answer when he continues. So much for trying to go back to sleep. "Sorry. I just needed to talk to you, things are pretty fucked up. Usually I'd tell you to go back to sleep Dylan, but this time is for fucking real."

He's on the phone.

I try my best to sing the Sponge-Bob Squarepants song on highest volume in my mind in an attempt to not overhear his conversation with Dylan, but I fail. Miserably. His voice is really silent, but so is the room. "She can't even look at me, don't you think I notice....? No, the worst is how she tries not to okay? She tries not to jump whenever I say her name and she tries her best to keep her heart calm and not let her gaze wander everywhere except on me when I approach her, and Dylan I don't even blame her....." The silence is longer this time, and I hope Dylan is lying to him that it's not like that at all.

He's right; I change whenever he does something, and how much I want to tell him no, we both know it's a lie. I hate the fact that part of me is still scared of the genes he's sharing with Noah, but at the same time, the stronger part of me, wants to ignore it. Say that he's the complete opposite. Because he is. "I can't. I don't know how I'm supposed to handle one month with her. She's terrified of me, she's worried I'm gonna end up like him, that I'll hurt her, and-..."

I hate this. I hate that he realizes, I hate that I'm putting him in this position. I hate myself. "No, she won't. Look doing this was a huge mistake, I don't even know how it happened. I shouldn't have done it, it makes everything weird and instead of liking me back she'll be more and more terrified, and in the end she'll hate me."

My heart starts racing. I shut my eyes tighter even though he can't see me. My cheeks start burning, my heart keeps escalating. I would be jumping up and down and screaming if I wouldn't be me, I mean, who wouldn't want to hear that? That the guy you like likes you back?