Fixing Her

Chapter XXV

I can't put Dylan through this, I can't do this to him. Dylan is the first one I got a bit close to when I came here, and that's because he never gave up on trying to become my friend. I've played with his feelings, his trust, his patience, his friendship, his mind, I've played him and the other boys so bad. I never wanted to do this to him. Dylan out of all people doesn't deserve this.

"Is he okay?" I cry out.

"How the fuck should I know?! We can't reach him. Hayden you need to let us know, you're ruining all of us right now. He won't hurt us, that son of a bitch can't hurt us, but you can. You're important to us, you have the power to hurt us, and he's only got that power as long as he's hurting you. Can't you see what you're doing to us? You're hurting us Hayden, let us know. Let us in, we fucking deserve your trust, because you got ours. This is ruining us, and if you don't want us hurting, you'll put an end to it, because if you're hurting we are too. We care about you, you matter to us, and you're breaking in front of our eyes, aren't you gonna help us? Hayden don't do this. Not to us, and the fuck not to yourself."

A second of silence passes as I take it all in. When I realize he's right I start sobbing. My sobs are loud and my tears many, and I start hating myself for what I'm doing to them. He's right. I can't do this to them, I can't lie to them and hurt them so much when all they've done to me has been nothing but good.

I see him take a step forward through my tears, and I see how he opens his arms lightly and even though he knows I'm breaking his brother, pulls me to his chest. After everything that happened tonight, I shouldn't even want him to be inside my room, especially not with the door closed, and yet, all I can think about for the moment is Dylan's teary face. I've never seen Dylan cry, I can't imagine how he looks like with tears streaming down his cheeks, but even the picture of him crying hurts.

"Look all we want is to help you," he says. "They don't know what's going on, and I don't know what to do, and it's breaking us. He can't do anything, if you tell us everything no one will get hurt anymore. Look at me."

He lets me go and strokes my hair behind my ear times over as he continues talking. "We want to help you, we don't wanna see you coming home and start shaking, and then collapse in front of our eyes and not know why and what to do. Hayden it's time to end this. The first time this happened was one too much, and we're all sick of having our hands tied behind our backs. Please just let us out. Help us."

I look down. Is it really time to speak up now? After one year, after a thousand nightmares, is it really time to let it out?

He lets me go and walks towards the door, but when he opens, he doesn't head out; he remains in the doorstep.

"Dylan," I hear him sigh, causing me to quickly look at him. "Yeah, I...."

When he doesn't continue I walk over to him and he steps aside. I look to my left and see Dylan's back. He walks inside his room and closes the door, locking it.