Watch Out

Goodbye

It's been three months since I died. The cancer was spreading faster than the doctors realized. They hadn't even noticed when it spread to other locations in my body. I died during the surgery that was supposed to fix everything. I never got to say goodbye. I was so confident that I would be fine that I didn't think to tell my family and my friends that I loved them, and now it's too late. 

Sulgi has been expelled, having gone completely insane after I died. Every time someone mentioned me, she would flip out and hit and/or break someone or something. I knew she'd react that way. She'd never been good at dealing with her emotions. Once she got expelled, she became a full-time member of Chan's gang and became the biggest problem for the police. The only reason she hasn't been arrested is because of my dad, who is in just as bad shape. 

For the past three months, the local police have been...less than efficient. Dad has become completely closed off, not giving orders or anything. He barely talks at all now, not even to my mom or Hana. I mean, what can you expect from someone who lost his only child, his only daughter, to cancer? It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry in my entire life. He'd always been so strong, but he was a complete wreck, leaving the city's justice system a mess as well. 

My mother was even worse off. While she was planning my funeral, she tried to kill herself. If it wasn't for Eunwoo oppa, she would've succeeded. He found her in the hospital's pharmacy just in time for her stomach to be pumped. He began accompanying her to therapy, where she eventually decided to see Hana as her second chance at a daughter. She took my death as a sign that she hadn't been a good mom and felt she had to redeem herself. If only she knew she couldn't be more wrong. If only I'd told her I loved her more than I did when I was alive. 

I'm sure you're wondering about the rest of the gang as well. Chan has been trying his hardest to keep everyone from falling apart, especially Jeongin, but he hasn't been taking care of himself. He was like my older brother, they all were. Chan was so busy helping everyone else and not himself that he would cry himself to sleep every night, and I can't do anything but watch. 

Watch as everyone I loved began throwing away their lives just because they lost someone. Jeongin wouldn't leave home at all for these 3 months. He rarely even left his room. He's losing weight too. I wish he would get out of the world and try to move on. Even if we were each others' first love, he can't keep holding on. He's still so young and has a whole life to live ahead of him. 

I wish I could just go back to a few months ago when I was still alive to tell everyone how much I love them. How much I don't want them to go off the deep end if I died. How badly I want them to move on and be happy. How much they mean to me. How much I desire for them to live. My death has been more painful than my life, which was full of sickness. In life, I had them with me, smiling and laughing, but now, I can only watch as they throw their lives away without anyway to tell them that I see them. That I want them to move on with their lives. That the rest of their lives aren't more important than mourning. I've cried more in three months of being a ghost than I did in seventeen years of living. I wish I could go back and fix my mistakes. Do something to ease the minds of my family and my friends and everyone else.

When you see death encroaching, please, I beg of you, take precautions. You don't want to end up like me in your afterlife: watching your loved ones fall apart because of your death. And when someone close to you dies, don't hold on too long. It's okay to mourn, but staying in misery longer than needed...It makes our afterlives more miserable than whatever we faced in life and death. In matters of living and dying, Watch Out and make sure you won't have any regrets. Tell people you love them as often as you can. 

Oh and if you would, send this message from beyond the grave to those mentioned: I love you, and it hurts me to see you in pain. Move on with your life. I'll be happier in the afterlife if you are happy in life.

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Hey BaNanas! Here's your sad ending. This book is officially over! I have a Changbin fanfic coming up though in place of this one, so look forward to that. Sorry it's such a short ending. I've been stressed lately and almost started crying writing this. 

In other news, my birthday is on Friday!! I will be 17 international age. I'm getting old. My brother and my boyfriend are graduating next week too.

Love y'all,

Nana out!