Andrina Von - THE SEEKER

Chapter IV

"Are you going to answer me or not?" I said in an irritated cold voice.

I beat him. He was the first one who blinks his eyes and we took it 15 minutes just staring at each other with seriousness.

"Not." He said like he's not sure or he just said it without understanding what I am pointing out, or maybe he just avoiding my question.

He turned away he's sight on me and I can tell how sure I am that he's totally avoiding me directly, hindi niya matatago 'yon dahil magaling akong magbasa ng kilos ng isang tao iyon na rin ang dahilan kung bakit nailagay ako sa posisyong kong ito. May kakaiba akong pakiramdam sa kilos niya at hindi matatapos ang gabing ito hangga't hindi niya sinasagot ang tanong ko.

And he knows it. He knows me and everyone in the camp. I know that he's hiding something he can't say that's why he's being like this.

I feel like it isn't just something, well I can't figure it out by now, I can't assure myself if it's really a big thing. I don't have proof, just only a thought, and that thought... scared me. It scared me even I can hide it through the walls that cover the real me. Through the back of that wall, I can't change the fact that I'm really scared.

It was like I go back from the past, I can see how everyone sees how weak I am, how coward I am, and how I can see myself looking pale and down in the mirror of my self, looking so scared through her whole figure not only in her eyes but in her whole body.

I clenched my fist. Beside my fears, I felt so angry at myself. Am I going to go back again to the old version of me? Why am I feeling this after what happens previously, I don't see a connection between these two feelings, the anger, and fear.

Why am I feeling weak again?

There is really something... and I am pointless.

It's really bad... I can fee it now..

Nang maramdaman kong may gustong kumawala sa mga mata ko, agad akong tumalikod kay Vrint at humarap sa bintana, pilit pinipigilan ang sarili sa luhang gustong pumatak, kinalma ko ang sarili, gayon din ang kaninang nakakuyom kong kamao.

Agad ko namang napatahan ang luhang gustong kumawala sa mata ko, mabuti't naihinto ko agad dahil ayokong makawala ang mga luhang ito, dahil sa tingin ko ito na lang ang lakas na meron ako, ito rin ang nagbigay lakas sa mahina kong kalooban, ito ang nagbigay sa akin ng matigas na damdamin, kaya't hangga't narito ito hindi ko ito hahayaang makawala, hindi ko ito pakakawalan. Ayokong bumalik sa pagiging marupok, malambot at malamya, ayokong lumambot ang puso ko, dahil kapag nangyari iyon tiyak na ikababagsak ito.

"Andrina? .... let's just talk about it when I feel I want to.. so please give me a time." He said every word slowly and every second it turning low like a whisper but I can clearly hear it and that gives me more eager to know the answer, mas lalo lang akong natatakam sa sagot. "I'm sorry.." That last word of thousands he'd used and told me, that one was the only sincere.

"Forget me already huh." I sarcastically and pissed in annoyance that he sudden forget or he might make me annoyed just like now.

"I don't.. but if you think I forget, then think about it.. It's better than thinking so much.. Think that I already forget you...."He said grimly but gentle. "That's the only thing I can see.. to save you." I didn't hear the last word as if he meant to make his voice so weak so I won't hear it.

"Vrint?" I called him ignoring what he said. "I can't give you the time you want... you know it's a mission, we're on a mission.." I paused trying to determine what just I said. "I mean... I am.. I guess." I corrected confused.