CODED (book two)

Thirteen

I've begun to realize how secretive the people are around me. They seem to want to be free, but build their wall higher everyday. I can't judge, I do the same, but it hurts and I don't want to hurt anymore. I decided to wake up early today, and try to clean up Levi's mess. It stings that he'd rather hide his feelings behind a bottle than let them out to me.
"What are you doing?" Levi groans rubbing his eyes. Walking over to the bed, I sit next to him and brush his hair from his face.
"Don't clean up my mess." His voice is so raspy it cracks. He's here but feels extremely distant.
"You need a shower Levi." I sigh, it makes me sad to see him this way.
"Errana I'm serious... don't clean up my mess. You can't clean up my mess." His eyes are burning into mine, pleading.
Something tells me we're not talking about the broken glass on the floor anymore. When I nod he rests his head on my chest.
"Please." He mumbles and nod again, even though he can't see me.
Is his past so dark that I can't even try to guide him to the light?
What is he so afraid of?
Who I'm I kidding, I'm not in the position to guide anyone.
"Levi go shower, I have to get to work." I explain climbing off the bed.
"You don't want me to clean up your mess? Fine...clean up the rest. When you're ready to talk I'm here. Oh and Phoebe's awake." With that I walk out the door. He calls after me but I don't turn back. I didn't mean to come off rude, but I'm not going to baby him, not now.
Once I'm down the stairs I spot a familiar fiery hair, Phoebe.
"Phoebe!" I shout and she turns around. I think back to her comment last night and laugh. She really wasn't joking. She limps her way over to me, with the brightest smile.
"What are you doing?" I ask holding onto her shoulders.
"Erra I meant what I said. I'm not staying in that room one more day." She laughs shaking her head. I honestly have no words.
"I know I'm unbelievable, now come and show me around." She demands pulling my arm. I remember when I first met her. She was so eager and bright. So excited to show me around. And Drew, it doesn't feel like he's gone. Phoebe pulls me outside and takes a breath like it's her first.
"I love it." She sighs, and turns to me then says, "It's kinda cold though."
She wraps her sweater around her whole body and smiles.
"Okay let me show you arou-"
"Errana!" A females voice cuts me off, my mothers. Both Phoebe and I turn around to see her walking towards us, with Nia of course."
"Hey." I say. She seems a little uneasy, not like herself.
"Errana your friend Phoebe she..." She stops talking once she notices her next to me.
"Hi I'm Phoebe." She smirks sticking out her hand. Nia's quick to grab her hand with a smile.
"Nia." She introduces herself still holding her hand.
She's so pushy. I shake my head at the thought.
"You must be Erras mom?" Phoebe beams.
"Yes I am." My mother gives her a warm smile and shakes her hand.
"Phoebe if you don't mind is it okay if I speak to Errana for a moment?"
"Oh y-"
"Oh I was going to give Phoebe a look around the place." I cut Phoebe off not wanting to speak to my mother right now. I'm finally in a somewhat good mood, and I know she wants to talk about Main City.
"I can give her a tour." Nia suggests, and I can't help it but I scowl at her. She doesn't notice because she to busy looking at Phoebe. Maybe I shouldn't be to worried about her being with Levi after all.
"Sounds good." My mother jumps in moving her braid over her shoulder.
"But-" I start but my mother cuts me off.
"Come Errana." She beckons me to follow her inside. I look back at Phoebe who is returning the same glum expression. I follow my mother up the stairs to the opposite side of the hall. She unlocks the door, and holds it open for me to walk in. The room is the exact same as mine, just larger. The window is larger as well exposing the field out back. She grabs a chair and sits it by the bed. "It's nice." I mumble tracing my fingers over her wooden desk.
"Take a seat." She orders sitting on the bed. She seems frustrated, tired, sorrowful. I walk over to the chair silently and wait for her to talk.
I can't read the tension in the room, but for some reason I want to cry. I bite the insides of my cheeks to keep the tears back. She sighs and rubs her eyes.
"It's horrible isn't it?" I blurt looking down at the floor.
"It is...yes." She places her hand over mine.
"How many casualties?" The question cuts my heart to bits, and I haven't even gotten the answer yet.
"Erra-"
"Just tell me." I try to raise my voice but it cracks.
"Around around the thousands." She mumbles, and a blade runs rights through my chest.
If I wasn't so focused on trying to hold my tears back, I would throw up right now.
"Errana... Errana look at me."
I can't, because if I do it's all over. I need to change the subject, but I'm to curious.
"And the city?"
"Errana have you been eating?" Her tone changes quickly.
"What?" Why would she ask that?
"Have you been eating? Did you eat today?" She grabs my face and examines it.
"Where did that come from? Why are you asking that?" I pull away and clean my tears.
"It just looks like you haven't. You need to eat Errana."
"I am okay! I am, My appetite hasn't been very big lately." I sigh, because if I'm honest it's never been.
"Look I understand how you're feeling, trust me I understand Errana." She swears, but she doesn't understand.
"It wasn't your fault, and I know that even if I tell you a million times you'll still think it is. But do not beat yourself up." She grabs my chin and lifts my head up. "Do you understand?" Her eyes hold no sympathy in them, and if they do she's doing a good job a hiding it. I just want her to hold me and tell me everything is okay, but times have changed and it's seems as if she's slipped away.
"I should go... I have to work." I sigh, brushing away the remaining tears that stain my face. I'm trying to hold on but it seems that I've slipped away as well.