IMPOSSIBLE | JIKOOK ✔

21

593 words

_________

PJM

Jungkook,

time's up,

i can't wait any longer

im sorry that we couldn't meet for the last time,

that i can't apologise for the hell i've given you,

for the shit i've made you go through,

and the crap i've got you to feel,

but dont worry kook,

i'll always be with you.

in the sky,

in the galaxy,

in your mind - 

and in your heart.

i was a coward to run away from you my whole life -  

im sorry that instead of apologising,

and forgiving you,

i got so caught up in materialistic things - 

toxic things,

revenge,

anger,

im sorry that i blamed you for that fire in the night,

the fire that killed my parents,

i was blinded to see,

that you too were hurt from it,

that you too lost someone in it,

you lost not only yourself,

but me,

your sister,

but most of all,

your mother - 

your mother who had looked after you all by herself since you were both abandoned by your father,

your mother that refused to eat and sleep,

to make sure you were nutritioned,

that you were okay,

that you were healthy, 

strong,

and protected.

And for that,

im sorry.

i don't deserve your forgiveness

i know i dont

but still,

im sorry

with all my soul,

my existence,

my heart.

Instead of you,

i spent time with people that changed,

and ultimately that influenced my need to change.

I was so determined to fit in,

to be liked

to be saved

that I forgot that it didn't matter what people thought

that I was okay with just you by my side.

i regret it

i regret everything

im sorry for using your weaknesses against you to get somewhat of a reaction from you

for some attention from you

im sorry I hurt you to the point you were torn inside completely

im sorry that I whipped your innocence

and completely killed it 

i hurt you

i hurt me

and Im sorry kookie

im sorry that all I ever did was cause you pain and devastation

you know,

the only memories I have 

the only good memories I have - 

are the ones i made with you,

the ones that i shared with you.

nights where we both hung out,

where we'd watch the stars from this very rooftop and snuggle together for that bit of warmth when the wind laughed at the jokes you made,

i remember the nights where we'd eat and laugh and smile

where I'd piggyback you and race you to school

and we'd skip classes together,

get into trouble together - 

but do it again.

Im sorry that I left you out Jungkook,

that i forcefully pushed you out - 

when you needed me the most.

Im sorry that I tried to move on from you,

and that I turned my back on you - 

and your screams for help

Im so fucking sorry, Kook.

i love you so so so much

i've loved you more than anything

and everyone

i hope you know that.

It hurts that I can't tell you all this right now either - 

but i hope you'll finally be free.

that you wont have to struggle because of me.

be free, kookie.

live your freedom; 

freedom - 

in a way we're both going to be free now,

we're both going to be allowed to live again,

a dimension away,

so that hopefully,

we'll be allowed to let go and forget - 

forget this

forget that

forget everything

forget each other...

maybe then you'll finally be happy.

Im ready to fall

Im ready to go

Im going for the Earth hold me again,

Im going to finally let myself be embraced by something,

For the first -

And definitely the last -

time.

_____

goodbye