Very short, yet very necessary chapter.
Bey's POV
"So when the fuck you planned on telling mama?" my brother, John, asked me.
"Whenever she finds out," I responded as I continued to do my math homework.
"You can't hide that from her B. Forreal you trippin."
"Mama is gonna hate me even more if she finds out."
"She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't have emotions anymore. You know since daddy left-"
"Stop. I do not want to talk about that man."
John nodded.
"Besides, he's remarried and has a kid now, we should talk about him as much as he visits us or even acknowledges our presence," I continued.
"You right. But I don't think you should keep this from her. You love Nicki right?"
"Woah. Love is a strong word."
"Y'all been together for like 2 months now."
"We're not together and it definitely hasn't been that long. John we're really just close friends. Nothing more, nothing less.... yet."
"Alright then. But you know it's only a matter of time before mama finds out and if she has to find out before you tell her she's going to feel some type of way."
I nodded, "John me and that woman just don't see eye to eye and I definitely don't expect her to understand. You seen how much she adored Lyndall? And he treated me like shit. Meanwhile, Nicki treats me so right it's scary."
"Yeah I know, but she can't stop you from loving the girl."
"She can hinder it, her house her rules."
"I get it Bey. Just don't let this be more than what it has to be. You know how mama gets.She won't drink because her daughter is gay, She'll drink if she finds out that she's not making you comfortable."
"Okay but John, when is she ever sober? When she's drunk she gets belligerent and aggressive. We need to get her some help I don't want her to end up like auntie."
John sighed, "she won't, she smart and she can handle herself."
I sighed too.
"Aye, matter of fact, take as much time as you need. But don't wait for her to find out. I'll see you later," John stated as he went off to go do whatever it is that he did.
I pulled out my music folder and began to practice some songs for the upcoming fest. In a matter of 10 minutes my mom came through the door.
"Hey," she said.
"Sup," I greeted.
A tension grew within the four walls, but at this point it had become normalized. I just couldn't understand why everyone is watching this woman sink more and more as the years go by. Honestly, if
my mama hadn't still been running a salon who knows how bad it could have been.
Nothing beats how bad things were when daddy had first left.
"What you doing? Homework?" my mother asked snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Hm. Uh, yeah, homework."
"Mm. You'll be 16 next September. Old enough to work, I'm expecting you to get a job, help out with these bills. Ditch the homework."
"Nah, a job won't get me into college. College is more important than $200 checks every two weeks."
She scoffed, "you and your sister and this damn college shit. Taking money out of my damn pockets."
I grabbed my books and proceeded to put them in my bag to go to my room.
"Talk to you later mama," I said rushing up the stairs.
I closed and locked my door. I paced back and forth trying to calm myself down.
I really hate her.
I really really do.
Every time I feel like I'm doing something right, bringing home straight A's, awards, certificates, only for me to receive them alone.
Giving speeches with strangers in the crowd.
Singing my heart out and my friends' parents being in awe.
Feeling alone in a room full of my peers and their families, and being the only one without one.
I am always the only Knowles in the room.
________
Author's Note:
Please bare with my slowwwwww ass updates. This story is based off true events from my life so sometimes it's hard to get my thoughts down on paper. But I WILL finish this book, the story needs to be told.
~zee
